snap judgments

You might have noticed that there was no recap for this issue.  Despite returning to ‘present’ time, despite the good push this particular story had when we first saw Ka-Zar and Spidey hash things out in the Savage Land right around the first issue of Secret Invasion when all the Marvel heroes that arrived on the ship and they started fighting against the New and Mighty teams.

Well, when this went down, Ka-Zar and his band of Savage Landites happened upon the whole thing and wound up trying to get a handle on what’s going on by talking with Spider-Man as seen in New Avengers #41, only to have Captain America happen upon them and the threat of a fight start.  Well, a couple issues later, Spidey and his Savage Friends try talking this Cap down by explaining he can’t be Cap since Cap is dead, but this just leads to, you guessed it, fighting.  No one thinks to ask “Hey, Cap!  Great to see you back!  What the hell are you doing on a spaceship?”  Sure, we know it’s not really Steve Rogers (for heaven’s sake, Fallen Son was just one ‘No really, Steve Rogers is really dead we mean it it’s serious, he’s dead, the end!’ after the other), but humor the bastard!  Try to get some info out of him!

Well, not-Cap gets blowdarted to bits and falls only to reveal himself as a foamy mouthed Skrull.  Cut to a flashback where they talk about how this Skrull got the blood blanket treatment, how it doesn’t always go according to plan, how the Skrull Mind Priestess had to do a little fussing with the memories of this warrior so that he would remember an alternate timeline that would make him believe he’s Steve Rogers with greater clarity but this doesn’t matter at all BECAUSE HE’S DEAD AND THE HEROES CAN’T LEARN THIS INFO.

So the reader is now told that the spaceship that crashed in the Savage Land didn’t have the real Captain America in it.  Thanks to Secret Invasion #5, we know that the spaceship didn’t have the real ANYONE inside, but if you read this issue before that, you would have figured out the same thing.

And that’s all you need to know.

It’s sad how much I keep coming back to this.  I keep thinking no one’ll care or it’s been too long or it doesn’t even matter but then I go to work and see that cover with Thor and Hulk pummeling away and think, “What on Earth happened?”

How did Loeb do it?  What is GOING ON with his Hulk book?  Every issue has been page after page of punches with little to no payoff or forward momentum.  It’s Marvel’s version of Particle Man with huge McGuiness muscles.

I’ve tried, don’t get me wrong.  There is simply NO OTHER Hulk book out there and Marvel seems pretty proud of this so what other choice do I have?  Ed McGuiness draws a pretty big Hulk and that’s cool.  The idea of massive battles that bring out the inner 15-year-old boy in all of us is something to behold.  There are good points here, there have to be, it just It took until Comic Con to realize that I’m not the only one as befuddled by the execution of it all.  Here I was, sitting on this side of computer screen thinking i just was having this bad bout of fandignance; it’s not the Hulk I want to read but maybe there’s some crazy person out there totally going nuts every time an issue comes out. Well, people are going crazy, just not for the right reasons.

Hulk #5 encapsulates a lot of things both wrong and right about the series, so let’s take a look at it for a moment and prove a few things right off the bat.

First off, let’s look at what we got here:  Thor vs. the Hulk.  Think on that.  Just let it sink in, on all the massive damage that’s going to go down.  This is should be epic battle in the mighty Marvel manner here, folks.  Before World War Hulk, I would have totally given this fight to Thor but seeing the green goliath at his meanest- wait.  This isn’t the ‘Hulk’ Hulk, this is that red Hulk, the one that punched the Watcher out of nowhere and who we still don’t know the identity of.  He’s just some big red dude who’s pummeled everyone we know and love into paste and seems to be here to.. kill the Hulk.  Or something.  Who knows his motives, his identity, why he’s red or why he just keeps winning, but this is the guy who’s going to fight Thor this issue.

And there’s just something about creating an unstoppable engine of destruction that doesn’t suggest temperance.

Little preamble, the first blow is swung by Thor and we’re given a sort of quick and cocky recap, as if the book really needed it by this point.  If you’re going to be an all out action book, don’t bother selling me on your story, just let me get into who’s gonna kick who’s butt.  Like I said, Thor vs. Hulk sells itself so don’t remind me that ‘Rulky’  (Rooby rooby roo!) is this great mysterious ubermench who we should all be really excited about.

So, BOOM!  Thor punches the red Hulk and unsurprisingly, the red Hulk is relatively unscathed.  He’s gotten a little deeper shading, some atmospheric smoke going on, one panel even shows that his face did cave in like it should have but seems to be healing up in a jiff.  All in all, the result of Mjolnir are nil since the red Hulk proceeds to punch Thor into next week (or at least a nearby observatory), all the while mockingly disdainful of this fight.  Thor pulls himself out of the rubble and has another go at it, not budging the red Hulk an inch.

Okay, now to borrow something from wrestling- I mean, ‘sports entertainment’, there’s an element of ‘no-sell’ going on here that’s honestly making something that should be a fantastic battle fall short.  One needs to be sold on a move or a hit (especially when they’re fake!) in order to be engaged in the story that the fighters are telling, just like one needs to be sold on the premise of a movie before you commit to a ticket price.  Here, the red Hulk hits Thor and the move is sold to us by watching Thor fly off into a building and crawl out of rubble.  ‘The red Hulk hits pretty freakin’ hard!’ says our brain and we believe in the strength of a character that can so easily toss a Thunder God.  Mind you, McGuinness draws Thor just wailing on the red Hulk, dynamic shots full of great crackling energy, but the red Hulk doesn’t budge an inch.  The first short is aimed right at his face and his posture doesn’t bend from the impact or brace itself.  He just takes the shot and is seen arms akimbo next panel.  The red Hulk is just not selling Thor’s blows and that makes me wonder if Thor’s a lot weaker than he should be or if the red Hulk is a douche who’s going to be taking a beating in the locker room for making his opponent look bad.

But the red Hulk’s been no-selling for the past five issues, maybe it’s his gimmick?  Maybe the character is really that strong and boy howdy should we think he’s the coolest thing ever?  How cool, you ask?  Well, the book proceeds to alienate a good portion of Marvel die-hards by having the red Hulk ‘jump’ super high above the atmosphere of the planet, taking Thor along by holding on to his hammer.  So, he’s not ‘wielding’ mighty Mjolnir, just pushing it through space I guess as the red Hulk TKOs Thor with his own weapon of destruction.

:Let’s just say that again:  the red Hulk defeats Thor with Mjolnir through his tactical genius and the weightlessness of space.

Pretty epic, huh?  Or… does that kind of stick in your craw?  Are you secretly a little itchingly mad at such a bad portrayal of Thor?  At the poor use of physics?  At the gall of Loeb to sort of cheapen a fight that should have rightfully been of such scale and scope that bards should have spontaneously erupted into song, the IRIS would have had to add a new category of seismic activity to register the blows and mountain ranges changed their altitude in order to cower in the shadows of such a battle.

It’s a terribly nerdy thing to say, but if you’re going to use gravity to get around a magical ward on a weapon, you really have to go all thw way.  If the Hulk hit Thor in space, both of them would go flying back from each other.  Inertia, ladies and gentlemen, and as incredibly nerdtastic it is to bring it up in relation to comics, I have to keep going and point at Loeb as he started it.

So, the red Hulk beats up Thor and leaves him on the surface of the moon.  We then cut to …. aw geeze, A-Bomb dredging up the Hulk (real live Hulk, accept no substitutions) from the bottom of the ocean where I guess he was left last issue and bringing him back to team up with a variety of heavy hitters from the Marvel Universe: She-Hulk, Iron Man, Namor, Ares, the Thing and the Human Torch and oh, what the Hell?  Galactus and Superman.   Why not? I’m sure all these people are going to fight the red Hulk, who may or may not be wielding Mjolnir and a Kryptonite Ring next issue.

Yes, the issue is bad.  Yes, the entire run thus far as been boggling.  But that’s when I realized I had read this all before.  That’s right, back in 2001 Gail Simone paid future tribute to an issue thought at the time far too stupid to be actually written in a form that wasn’t parody.

Last note:  Jeph Loeb himself proudly told panel-goers at Comic Con last month, this storyline is coming to an INCREDIBLE ENDING, one you’ll never suspect!  THEN, the format is going to change on the Hulk so that it’ll have two stories in it each issues, just like Tales to Astonish used to, that will have a RED HULK story and a GREEN HULK story!  That’s right!  Because splitting a superhero into two and labeling them by color worked so well for the Distinguished Competition.

Let’s just hope the three remaining panels will be used for character development.

At the Marvel: Your Universe panel, i was able to not only praise the panelist for putting out two great books at the same time the Iron Man movie hit, but ask them why we got two very very very different books on the stands that were as far away as possible from the Incredible Hulk movie came out.

“We can’t always bat a thousand,” noted Quesada, mentioning that If you look at track trecord, they’re good at publishing the book in question.  Dan Buckley jumped in to note  that creatively, they hit their stride with Iron Man and didn’t need to change a lot to make Iron Man fit the tone of the movie.  matt Fraction was noted for his communication with the writers on Iron Man: Director of SHIELD and matched everything very well between current continuity and movie tone.  Hulk, on the other hand, is a bigger challenge because creators have to be able to ‘stretch their legs’ and do what they want without a corproate influence, suggesting to me that I load up customers on trade paperbacks ($12.99 and up) instead of new comics (as low as $2.99) for new readers.  Last Year, Buckley noted, they pushed the character with events like  Planet Hulk and World War Hulk and, while they had nothing to do with the movie, they it put the character out in the public eye.

Kevin Feige (president, Marvel Studios), in an Incredible Hulk hat, noted that they used a lot of the trades as influences on the movie, citing Hulk: Gray and Bruce Jones’ first run.

And yet… I don’t really feel my question was answered.  Why did Marvel not put out a comic that fit the theme of a very popular and well made movie?  Why do I have to recommend stories from years ago in order to keep customer interest?  Why can’t the Bruce-Banner-man-vs.-inner-monster story be told in the modern age?

And what in God’s good name is going on in Loeb’s book!??

Ah, wel.  At least joe Quesada didn’t tell me to sit down and enjoy the stories this time.

These two words have sold me more $3.99 issues than any other since I started this job.  Since I started selling.

BLOOD COLOSSUS.

Just… just bask in it for a moment, will you?  Take in the wonder and the glory that is a Blood Colossus.  The name excites the imagination and lays the groundwork for what is to come.  BLOOD COLOSSUS.  Blood, viceral, personal, horrific in some cases.  COLOSSUS, epic, monumental and ancient.  Together, they sell comics.

You see, every time we get copies in of Thor: Reign of Blood in our store, I make them leave and all I have to do is find the right customer at that right moment and say the magic words.  Ears perk, interest piqued, I show them what a blood colossus looks like.  And awe is shared.

I tell them how the Blood Colossus works.  I tell them Thor drives it and 3 out of 7 people will give me a sound of fond familiarity.  THOR!  We know him!  He’s a big norse guy/god of thunder/doesn’t he have a hammer/etc.  I show them the Man himself, laying waste to the dead.  Seeing the Blood Colossus and Thor together makes people want to hold the book.  To take it into their hands and flip on through.  They crave more.

I tell them this is a story.  A ‘single, self contained issue’ full of Norse valor and epic adventure and lore.  I tell them that there are no other comics like it, that it will cause you to sponaniously rock out and wail on a guitar.  It will make you long for the land of the ice and snow.  It will make you feel good.

And that’s the beauty of comics; some can actually elicit an emotional reaction from the reader.  That sometimes, the story can pull you in and leave you different than before you turned that first page.

I kept copies of Thor: Reign of Blood at the front counter and I would wait for just the right moment.  Right when I knew someone wanted to hear a tale.  To see something awesome.  The Blood Colossus.

I have personally sold over 17 copies of this issue alone.  If you haven’t seen the Blood Colossus, go to your local comic shop and pick it up.  Hold it in your hand.  Don’t wait for the trade or borrow a friend’s copy.  Make it your own.  Read the legend and take it home to flip through on a rainy day or a long download online.  Relish the artwork and the crafting of the two tales woven together.  Take that time to really read it, sink it into your bones like the blood of a Blood Colossus.

And when you want more, come back and find me.

I think I understand.

So, Bendis needs to write this big Secret Invasion plot and work out a complex timeline for events to occur and hand them down the lines of editorial and otherwise, create this massive summer event.  He seems like a hands-on kind of guy, not one to sit on the sidelines and work with what he’s given, he would prefer to call the shots.  Right?  Right.  So, with all of this work he’s got to do, he’s already incorporated his Avengers teams into this main plot, leaving the two books they’re supposed to be in rather empty.  Well, they’re monthlies too and Secret Invasion has to work at a slower pace than that.  The Avengers can’t go off and have adventures like Millar’s Fantastic Four can.  So what do you do with the books?

Well, you coast.

You have filler.  You pad them out until you’re ready to fold them back into the main story that they’ve been telling since you started.  If you’ve been reading Secret Invasion so far, you know that we’re taking the slow approach and letting the sinister gravity of the book sink in before you start running around too much.  The Avengers just have to wait.

Which is why this book doesn’t have an Avenger in it.  It’s the story of how the Skrulls got Elektra, which to be perfectly honest, doesn’t matter in the slightest.  She did her plot purpose and there are more interesting things going on that I’d like to hear about.  Anything, at this point.  Can we get a D-Man back up?  A Squirrel Girl four-parter?

So, we start out by finding out that Skrullektra paid Electro to stage the big breakout that kicked off the New Avengers series and ordered a hit on ‘some Savage Land guy’.  If you’ve been reading the book, you know that.  If you check on things via the internet, you know that.  If you can think back to when you read the issues back in 2004, you probably figured out that the criminal breakout was probably a ruse or something unimportant since they never really came back to it, only to hint in shadowy ways that there must be something more.  2004, people!  Four years ago and he’s telling us now!

Right.  But before this transaction went down, Elektra was chillin’ when a black suited version of herself tried to kick her ass.  They fight.  Elektra wins.  Elektra fights Skrull-Daredevil and Skrull-Wolverine.  Elektra wins.  Elektra gets blindsided by a different Skrull.  Elektra loses.  This different Skrull just so happens to be the Empress’s main squeeze, so we get a Skrull-as-a-woman/Skrull-as-a-woman kiss.  The Empress laments having to send her dear warrior to die (meaning they set up the reveal?  Really?) in accordance witht the Prophecy.  Skrullektra then goes and un-unites the Hand and Hydra, takes over leadership and talks about honor and death and stuff.

So what do you need to know?  How much of this was told in interviews or articles in the PAST FOUR YEARS?  How much of this relates to the story as its being told now?  And why is next issue going back to Hank Pym again?  Didn’t he get his issue already?

We are getting filler.  I honestly can’t think of anything that should be noted out of this issue that we haven’t already heard or assumed.  I can see why his attention is elsewhere, but I’m really hoping the next issue of Secret Invasion turns it up a notch.  Or at least gets the characters in that book some breathing room so they can return to their titles and show us how the heroes are fighting the Invasion first hand.

This is going to be one WEIRD trade paperback collection.

Okay, so I was minding my own business on the week of June 25th, seeing as it was my birthday and whatnot when I was DELUGED by Avengers titles.  Everyone Marvel could think of came out that week, leaving me no choice but to read all of them.

Let’s start at the beginning, the two major Avengers titles of Mighty and New.  Mighty is about how the Skrulls got Hank Pym and turned him into the Time magazine cover and Initiative director guy we know today and New is about how the Skrulls got Spider-Woman and the Skull Empress got into her position of power and directed her little infiltration group.  Apparently, the Skrulls have a ceremony where placing a towel of blood over their body gives them a quick recap of issues to date and gives them a dual identity.  They seem to be taking in the new persona so to speak while keeping their own personality; thus Hank Pym can act in the best interests of both the Skrull empire by forming the Fifty States Initiative (which I’ll get to later) and fit in amongst his peers.  SHIELD/HYDRA/Skrull Empress Jessica Drew takes us on a recap of how the Skrulls have been manipulating things since I’m going to assume right before Avengers: Disassembled.  Talk of the VIBRANIUM mines comes up as THE ONLY THING THE SKRULLS CAN’T FIGHT BACK AGAINST so the Savage Land group comes in as trying to destroy the Vibranium stores there. Talk about all the mutants comes up as they try and turn a race war to their favor, pitting humans against mutants, something they want to do to the super-human community at large, thus Civil War.  This… is a lot of things for the Skrulls to be responsible for.

Anyhoo, more recap goes down as Jessica Drew joins the Avengers, asks Madame Hydra for money for continuing her double agent clause (money? really?), yadda yadda.  In the end, Pym calls to tell her that they’re going to Genosha to go put the Scarlet Witch down.  The Skrull empress gives the kill order and OH BOY THINGS FADE TO A WHITE PAGE.

So, For New Avengers #42, all you need to know is that the Skrulls have been pulling the strings on nearly everything and have a HUGE WEAKNESS TO VIBRANIUM, making the Black Panther tie-in possibly essential at this point.

Okay, Mighty Avengers #15 continues in recap fashion to show Hank Pym at his new teaching job which is where Bendis put them after Disassembled, which makes my early thoughts of New Avengers stuff wrong, so now I’m confused.  Well, I’m sure when Secret Invasion Chronicles comes out, things will be a lot smoother and no one will have to make a flow chart.  Man, I hate it when comics make me feel like an idiot for not learning their timeline…

ANYHOW, Pym is doing a lectures at Cambridge as I think that’s where they put them.  Jan’s apparently getting drunk at parties.  Hank’s either resentful of this or just as mad as me that a former Avengers chairwoman has really let herself go in the name of her ‘fashion design business’.  The arguement is weak as it seems to paint Jan as a drunk harpy and Pym as a disapproving shut-in, showing us that years of comics and storylines keep them coming back to an age old arguement.  Waking up in his office chair to find Jan moved out, he grumbles about this ‘classy’ move while the next page shows him sleeping with one of the students from his lectures.

Someday, we’ll get a new angle on these two, I swear.

So the young blonde student is completely facinated by Pym’s Avengers days, personal life and powers and pumps him for information he gives gladly.  When he brags about how he and the boys could totally detect a Skrull at 30 paces, the girl’s had enough and frankly so have I.  Telegraphed a mile away, the girl shapeshifts into an awesome Skrull and beats the crap out of him.  Jan drops by at the right time to see this young semi-nude blonde chick at Hank’s place and just tells the chick she could do better.  OH JAN.

For the record?  The ‘very ex-husband’ comment Janet makes is a little awkward since those two have been divorced for quite some time; Johns or Austen I think tried to get them remarried tried to get them remarried but it didn’t work out.

The Skrulls create a new Pym who does all the stuff we’ve seen until now, putting him back on top by giving him ambition that, let’s face it, our old Hank Pym didn’t have.  He goes back to his buddies after the Ultron storyline in Mighty Avengers and tells them how to defeat Stark’s armor.  Since the Skrulls are all set to go, Pym gives Janet a ‘new growth formula’ that’s probably something horrible.

All you really need to know for Mighty Avengers #15 is that last bit, that Janet Van Dyne now has some sort of evil formula in her hands that she might think is some new way for her to become Giant Woman (which she already did during the ‘Venom Bomb’ storyline).  So maybe you don’t need to know that.

Right!  So those are the big two, reminding me a lot of those episodes mid-season that get a lower budget so they resort to a ‘remember when?’ recap show.  Mind you, that Vibranium thing is big, but… that’s a lot of ‘previously in the Avengers’.

Okay, so in the month of June to… maybe celebrate the release of the new Incredible Hulk film (which I will eventually get around to talking about here), we got a bunch of big heafty issues with some backup stories and reprints.  Iron Man got two new books, all glossy and keen, all the Hulk got was a rock.  It’s like they had the same prejudices of the movie going public had with “Well, the last one sucked so let’s see if we can just get to 0″.  And before you say it, I know.  Skaar, Son of Hulk is out too and today has the infamous ‘red’ Hulk runnign around, but neither of these are great intro comics for people who thought Edward Norton was keen.  Now, Invincible Iron Man sold out at Metro because… we rule AND that the first issue was rather well paced, interesting and caught people up from the movie to the Way Things Are Now(tm), going light on the Director of SHIELD business and heavy on the Stane v. Stark story.  Skaar, Son of Hulk DOESN’T HAVE THE HULK IN IT.  In fact, I’d be BETTER if it was just called ‘Skaar, Conan in Space’ or ‘Grek Pak’s Interglatactic Tales of Skaar’.  If the Hulk ain’t in the book, it is not a Hulk book.   ‘Red’ Hulk doesn’t count because I have NO IDEA what’s going on with that story outside of an All Star Batman feel of taking on the tropes of Hulkness:  smashing and gamma monsters.  Ehn.

Mind you, Marvel did the same thing with Ang Lee’s movie as the 25-cent issue didn’t have the Hulk in it either and featured unwanted sexual advances (‘Hey, kids!  Like the movie?  Here’s a comic for ya-  oh wait.), but that’s another story.

Right, the ‘specials’:  King Size Hulk and Hulk: Raging Thunder and… the one that came out before both of those, Giant-Sized Incredible Hulk, with the Gary Frank cover.  This is what Marvel brought to the table and, having read each of them, I can’t say I’m impressed.  But yet, I can’t not like them (well, except for the Giant Size, because it was a snooze fest) and let me tell you why.

Both the King Size Hulk and Hulk: Raging Thunder have really light new content.  The stories are short and sweet, in Raging Thunder’s case maybe a little too short and both of them seem really out of place.  Did we really need to know what the Wendigo have been up to?  How much ass does Frank Cho need to draw on a regular basis?  (Answer: a LOT)  These stories, while interesting, are interludes to a larger story at work that was delayed for one reason or another.  If it was to fill in the ‘gaps’ of the main book… again, Wendigo?  how much time as the red Hulk had betweent the end of World War Hulk and now?  Why is She-Hulk still over here instead of getting disbarred and turning disillusioned bounty hunter in her own book?  If it was to entice people into the main story, then welcome to a late and somewhat light on plot title!  Yay?

So we get two short tales and then… THREE REPRINTS.  And this is where my rage turns.  You see, King Size Hulk came with the first appearance of Wolverine which is actually kind of cool.  If you don’t have it, never read it, it’s a neat thing to get for your enjoyment, a little history for your money, plus it had the Hulk in it, which sort of qualifies it for a piggyback in the special.  Sure, you could put a reprint of Hulk #181 in a Wolverine special (of which he has a truckload this summer), but this is a way to give a little showtime to the Hulk, kind of ‘cool by association’.  Believe it or not, there are some people on this Earth that didn’t know that Wolverine first appeared in a non-mutant title and fought the Hulk right out of the bat, so history lessons for everyone.

And then… there was the other reprint: Avengers #83.  Is the Hulk in this book?  NO.  Is She-Hulk maybe in this book?  NO.  Does this book have anything to do with anything Hulk related?  NO.  So why is it in this King Size Hulk?  Because Carla loves the Lady Liberators.  Really, that’s all I could think of because I really really love the Lady Liberators.  I’d be mad at such a waste of a reprint in a Hulk special but it’s like finding a really cute kitten in a three car pile up.  Sure, there’s damage and wreckage and someone should get the licence of the driver that caused it all but ohhhhh, lookit de kitty!  Seriously guys, I feel like apologising because even though I have the issue, I have the Avengers DVD-ROM with this issue, I have the Essential Avengers volume with this issue, I was so happy to have yet ANOTHER COPY to show to customers and friends alike.  Oh Valykrie and the Enchantress!

The second special actually has the same problem.  It’s a rather left-field little tale about Thundra, warrior woman of a female-dominated planet, coming to Earth to fight the Hulk and get some DNA from him so that they could have a baby that would be strong enough to lead when Thundra has to step down from being the Warrior Princess.  Or something.  Yeah, and there’s a lot of fighting and metaphorical juxtapositon and yes, there’s a Femizon/Gamma hybrid girl being all awesome and cool, but…. really?  Who’s been crying out for a Thundra vs. Hulk face off?  I mean, did Marvel get my letters?

Again, this is another issue I should be really mad at.  A weak story that will be forgotten to the annuls of time with the creation of a useless character that some poor fool will dredge back up when his own plots are failing in order to gain a cookie from the Fanboy Faction for his citation of this lost book and, yes, a reprint of Thundra’s first appearance in the Fantastic Four.  Really, this should have been called Thundra: Gamma Rage or something because it’s not a Hulk story.  The Hulk is a means to an end for the Femizons who lead the story with their goal of getting preggers (by the way, it’s through a kiss so everyone look disappointed).  The reprint has nothing to do with the Hulk and once again, he gets the shaft in his own $3.99 special released when his movie hits theaters.

In fact, what’s the real story of Jeph Loeb’s Hulk?  It’s about the Red Hulk which we all know isn’t Banner now.  Skaar, Son of Hulk showed the Green Goliath in the recap but that’s it.  For a movie that did so much to make you like Bruce Banner, that really hit the core of the old and VERY POPULAR TV show, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like it in comic book form outside of back issues and reprint trades.  What a sad, sad state of affairs.

Well, at least I got some reprint presents out of it?  Sorry folks.

So, with a certain movie on the horizon, I got linked some of the ky00test Hulk toys for the Marvel Super Hero Squad line. Just like Lil’Galactus, these do delight and create the oohs and awws. But there’s just something about this one…

… that really makes me want to run some sort of captioning contest or something.

So, we get in a call at the store because the local News-Press has heard something of this ‘Iron Man’ fellow that seems to be a hit with the youngsters, so they want to talk to us about it.  The torch is passed to the Comic Shop Girl (and let’s be honest, it’s for my enthusiasm and the fact I can spout this stuff off the top of my head) and they come by for an interview…

… which makes it to the front page.  Go fig.

SORRY!  Wrong link, though I admire Lydia’s candor and wasn’t so much of a cheerleading shill to say the same myself.  Nope!  Here’s Yours Truly with the rah-rah for the store, Iron Man and anything else you pu in front of me.

Please note:  It’s me, a dog who sadly died and new Child Pornography laws.  It really was a slow news day.  But I said my best, got misquoted and spoke positively about comics in the media and how business changed what was once a child’s medium.  Sounds good, right?

It even got us a bit of business.  So that’s good there.

So, everyone know about the DC vs. Mortal Combat game coming out that seems ridiculous?

Good.

When the news came over the wire at Blog@Newsarama, me and my fellow employees laughed and all of us were transported back to the mid ’90s in a furious flurry of “Who could beat who?” questions. Of course I’ll play his hotshot new gamet as I spent a good hundred dollars in total trying learning Sonja’s “Kiss of Death” fatality back in my younger years, but thankfully everything I wanted to say plus an extra dose of cleverness was taken by Alt Text.

Thanks, sir.