HULK HATE CAVITIES!
Yesterday I wound up having two straight hours of emergency dental work. I cracked a tooth on Monday and so far, the week hasn't been kind.
As they were strapping me into the chair and the doctor above me was asking if it was safe, a typical concern popped into my head:
Does Bruce Banner go to the dentist?
Really, now. Does he have just stellar teeth, brushing and flossing with great regularity? Or does he suffer through any discomforts? Because I just can't imagine a dentist appointment going well for him. Then again, he is a scientist so maybe he can look more clinically at the process and might not have the bone-numbing terror that I get at the dentist's office. Maybe he's all business.
Then again, the man is rather touchy (well, classically he's rather touchy as opposed to know where he's sort of non-existent). Personally, I think he might last through the numbing, but the sound of a drill going towards your mouth and the smell of burnt tooth might make him angry.
Maybe they just knock him out completely.
Fandignance – Harry Potter
Okay, so bear with me on this one. I'm actually not into Harry Potter in the slightest (I'm one of those jerks who shouts they read it first when it was called THE BOOKS OF MAGIC!), but their fandom is absolutely amazng. The people who adore these books have produced some of the most inspiring and downright horrifying tales in the history of people who take fantasy too far. It's great to watch, especially if you don't have any emotional investment in it (which is why I'll start throwing chairs if we don't get the REAL Black Bolt back to the Marvel Universe).
So, quick quick version: a fan of the Harry Potter series sets up a website called the 'Harry Potter Lexicon' that puts all the information from the books in order. People love it and info geeks go wild; even the author JK Rowling thinks the whole thing is pretty faboo becase she gives them a shoutout for being so thorough with her information. All is well and the fan who runs the place (with the help of a few volunteers and other writers) thinks he's got a little crown on his head and is full of pride.
A lot of pride, since he wants to publish the site as an official book. Not only is this a little odd since some of the material isn't his as it was written by other authors, but... let's face facts: when asked by JK Rowling if he could, she said no. That's it, right?
Nope! Yesterday it all went to court in a big show of who has the right to the material, who's being unfair and who's just out for cash. Thanks to Fandom Wank for keeping me updated on this whole affair; contributor 'cleolinda' has brought the wise face of Galadriel to the lawsuit which makes it doubly classy.
There's been everything from pie charts to snarky comments from the plaintiff and, despite her tearful admittance that this whole affair is effecting her writing, I can see how this should have been an open-and-shut case. No matter how you jazz it up, taking someone else's info and arranging it alphabetically doesn't make it yours. It's great that he did that and I'm sure without this legal nonsense the author might have given a nod his way (technically, she already did!), but selling it is a whole other matter.
So, fair internet info geeks, let this be a lesson. While we hail you for giving us an online version of the Handbook to the Marvel Universe, or a comprehensive look at Hulk villains (to say the least), don't publish these things and call it your own?
BONUS! Diane Duane gives us our own JKR vs. RDR lawsuit widget! Be kept up to date on how serious you can take the words "Lord Voldemort"!
Please, We Wear Uniforms, Not Costumes
John Cho is hitting the press junkets for Harold and Kumar II: the Wrath of NPH, but of course thoughts will turn to that Other Movie he's going, oh yeah: STAR TREK. Our new Sulu told Access Hollywood that our Fu is stronger:
I kind of became became a Star Trek fan because it was on late and I would catch it on re-runs. It is something I appreciated more every year because it is a very mature show. It is a very thoughtful and meditative show. Whereas when I was a kid it was much easier to love something like [Star Wars] right off the bat, with the light sabers and stuff. Star Trek is much more mature than that.
-from trekmovie.com
Aw yeah.
We’re DOOOOMED!
Matt Fraction and Ed Brubaker leave the Immortal Iron Fist in the hands of Duane Swierczynski.
Now, on one hand, this shouldn't be that big of a threat to the guy buying comics. Brubaker and Fraction get right to it when asked about what it was that made Danny Rand's adventures such a big hit and that's getting to the core of the character. Kung-Fu Billionaire is a brilliant place to start and as long the stories are kept to the heart of the matter, everything else follows through. Iron Fist is such an essentially cool character, the tone of the stories that Brubaker and Fraction have told is dead solid, this is a very easy pattern for someone else to follow. They talk about being blessed with a great editor, Warren Simons, and how he had gone to bat with Marvel for these great stories and if he's that much of a believer in a pulp martial arts bonanza, there is more than enough hope that he won't let the book go to a monkey with a pen. Brubaker and Fraction recommended Swierczynski personally for the job! This is good, right? Right?
Yeah.
I know, it's hard to think about the book doing half as good as it did under the rather surprising genius of the current creative team. Swierczynski comes off in the article like a generic Marvel parrot, saying nothing but platitudes and 'what he said's. I get no strength from the man; despite his rather good Punchisher: War Journal one-shot, you can't say Cable's been anything but underwhelming. And when it's Cable with a baby strapped to his chest, underwhelming is a pretty good choice of words.
Reading the comments to the interview, a lot of people look to be jumping ship. I know I'm going to get to work tomorrow with quite a few wails and moans of woe, and that's just from the staff. We at Metro adore and revere Iron Fist. Anytime a customer hasn't heard of the kung-fu goodness, I have to go run and grab the trade an show them that last panel from the last issue where two people kick each other so hard a building explodes. It's another sale the moment the enthusiasm passes from us to the customer and boy, our enthusiasm is boundless.
Funny story: I got to see Matt Fraction at WizardWorld LA this year. In fact, he was the first thing I saw when I went into the dealer's room; with my jaw on the floor, I slipped up to the table he was going to be signing at and proceeded to gush. I told him how well Casanova sells at the store and how Metro loves Iron Fist and he was a very pleasant and humble man with carefully crafted 'bed head'. I'd been sent down to the con with a few of our bitchin' store T-Shirts to give to store heroes and strangely wasn't expecting Mr. Fraction as the T-Shirts were L and XL... but I did have my store shirt. I planned on wearing it once I got to the con and had forgotten to change into it, but there was a size Medium and there was Our Hero, so I gave him mine and might have gibbered on about the cat hair on it. He was very nice and accepted my employee shirt and gave me his card and man, I was all professional and cool ... until I realized I wouldn't have a shirt to wear at the store next week.
Anyhow, back to the matter at hand: Iron Fist.
I can't say that I have all that much enthusiasm for the new writer; the new artist, Travel Foreman, on the other hand looks really different and I think he could pull it off. Mind you, Aja's a hard act to follow, so best of luck there. In fact, best of luck to all of them.
They are going to need it.
“Ugly Boys Store”
The above phrase should have been taken down in a statement to the police on why I had to strange a woman who came into the store with her young daughter and son. You think this kind of thing wouldn't happen; I'm fairly obviously a female behind the counter of a comic shop and so therefore, any arguement that comics are "just for boys" seems retarded. But as I approached this woman holding on to her daughter's hand as if she were going to be pursesnatched, I was perfecly polite to ask her if she needed any help.
We got a good customer service thang going on at Metro, or at least we give it the old college try. Some people jump back in fear, some give me a condescending look and others are just silent as they point to their curious child making a mess of our action figure selection and explain that "Oh no, we're with him." And that's okay. I can't make you be interested in what your child likes and after 7 long years of working at my comic shop, I've come to terms with that. I can go over to that small child and normally find a great conversation on how awesome Batman is and who that action figure is and might actually come away with a good sale from time to time.
But what I can't understand, and don't even want to, is disparaging the store IN FRONT OF ME. When I asked this woman if she needed help finding anything, she begged off any comment explaining that she and the little girl would be going to Old Navy across the street and were giving her son 'equal time'. She could have even stopped here and we'd be cool! What elementary school aged little boy wants to hang out with his mom while she and his sister look at t-shirts and other boring clothing things? That's awful kind of them to try and get him a book so he can be entertained, right?
But no.
This woman went on to say with a smirk that he needed time in a, and I quote, "ugly boys's store".
Now, I know you can think of your own witty retort, but at the time, I was struck dumb by her ... dumbness. Was she really trying to tell me that this store, my store, was ugly and for boys only? She didn't just call her son 'ugly' in front of me? Was this bitch for real? I repeated her words and she didn't back down, realizing how far her foot had gone into her mouth, but tried to get me on her side by adding, "Well, you know..."
No, lady, I don't! I don't know! AUGH!
Still aghast, I choked out something about how comics promote literacy and have a wide variety of stories to tell and how there are Classics Illustrated based on major works of literature. "Well, it sounds like you read a lot when there's no one here," she cheekily replied and steered her daughter from the counter.
I left them alone. When they left, I said thank you and turned to my fellow co-worker and we took a moment. I thought I was going to burst a blood vessel.
So remember folks: there are people who think comics are just for kids. There are people that think comics are just for adults. And then there are those who would rather be assigned on what to think and what to read purely based on gender.
You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby
Is it just me or are the Daughters of the Dragon really cool?
And not in a 'Any minute they might make out!' kind of way. But in an action-adventure, kung-fu way, the kind of story that makes me wrack my brain for another example of Local Girl Does Good without particularly extravagant super-powers. Take Misty Knight for example: she's just a tough NYC cop who just so happens to have a bionic arm. Is the rest of her bionic? No, just the arm. Can the arm shoot rockets? No, it's just an arm. It stopped Sabretooth from biting her once, I think, but that's really her 'super-power'. How about Colleen Wing? Well, she knows kung-fu. Can she make her fist like unto iron? No. Is she the Master of Kung-Fu? Nope. She's just good at what she does and has some sort of ancestral link to the samurai class.
These two chicks fight crime. Not as Avengers, but detectives on the street, entrepreneurs in a way. Wikipedia tells me that:
Later, Knight's right arm was severely injured by a bomb explosion and was amputated. Colleen encouraged Knight to rise above her depression and return to an active role in life.
The two became fast friends and went on awesome blaxploitation kung-fu adventures. Misty has been dating Danny Rand and hey! Wikipedia also tells me Colleen was an item with Scott Summers for a time! She dated a mutant! How progressive. A quick check of Women in Refrigerators shows that they're not listed as having been 'killed, raped, depowered, crippled, turned evil, maimed, tortured, contracted a disease or had other life-derailing tragedies' which is remarkable and awesome.
Sure, they've gone through bad fashion fads, a few bad romances and at least one assisted resurrection, but all in all these two seem to be pretty solid characters from the '70s in the era of the revival.
Now let's take a look at the front runners of the title of Marvel Poster Gal: the woman with the company title in her name, Ms. Marvel is a bit of a wreck these days, fighting of insecurities and alien invasions into her body, being a pushover as the 'leader' of the Mighty Avengers, she hired a publicist to improve her image in the public which infuriates me for reasons that are far too long to go into right now, but yet she's on the cover of everything and is sort of the House of Ideas go-to gal for covers and exposure. Spider-Woman? Oh lord. Tell me she's not the heroine I have to look up to? She doesn't even know who's side she's on! Dare I even mention Tigra? How about one of the Avenger's finest chairpersons, the winsome Wasp? She's... awfully in the background of Mighty Avengers and ... is still having the same arguments with her ex-husband that's she's been having on-again, off-again for the past how many years...
Folks, go read the Immortal Iron Fist. Support the Daughters of the Dragon.
Or maybe you shouldn't. The last time they were spotlighted in their own mini-series it came at a Kill Bill cost and then led to that horrible Heroes for Hire series that started strong as a Civil War tie in then ended in a miserable mess of crying over a mercy kill on Humbug and putting Moon boy into SHIELD custody and Colleen Wing getting her first entry on the Women in Refrigerators list for her suffering and crying under the Hulk Invasion and Misty Knight taking far too much responsibility for the failure of the Heroes for Hire in the epilogue book and gah. Maybe that's the trick, you shouldn't promote your favorite characters but let them coast in supporting character roles in really fantastic books, under the radar. Matt Fraction said at WizardWorld that he'd be keeping the Daughters of the Dragon for as long as they'll let him, and they are eight shades of fun in that book, kicking ass and getting the REAL Heroes for Hire back again...
So forget what I just said. DON'T support the Daughters of the Dragon. Just keep reading the Immortal Iron Fist and share that little wink with me.
There Oughta Be a Law – Mini-Series Closure
Now, I'll get to New Avengers in a minute, but one last thing about the New Avengers Annual. And Silent War. And X-Men: Emperor Vulcan. And I'm sure another mini-series or two that I've forgotten because it was really easy to when THEY DON'T END.
Silent War ended with Luna goes ot Black Bolt for help, asking him what they're supposed to do next and ... black page. The New Avengers Annual had enough going on but Doctor Strange, an infinitely interesting character has departed for parts unknown to redefine and discover himself and who knows when we're going to see that journey. X-Men: Emperor Vulcan has the Starjammers defeated, Vulcan triumphant and... the end. Suck it, folks! Pray we return to this storyline some time in the near future so you can get some closure.
It's not a big trend, but it's a ridiculous one and I, for one, would like to see a date, a title, a sketch, just something when the reader hits a wall. Don't lead us up with all this plot and then expect us to drop it just because you changed the channel. I want to know what's going on with the Inhumans! I can't just pretend they don't exist, especially now that I was TOTALLY RIGHT and Black Bolt was a Skrull after all.
And the worst thing is, we have no idea if anyone's going to remember that Scott Summer's brother and his daughter are in chains somewhere under his megalomaniacal brother he forgot in the Shi'ar Empire. We have no idea if anyone even wants to continue that story. I'm pretty sure David Hine said he wanted to come back to the end of Silent War... someday.
I'm sure there are more out there, more dangling plot-threads and endings that seemed to go nowhere or characters who went off to do something monumental and were never heard from again when that journey would make a kick-ass trade. There should be a law (just like the title of this cartoon!) that when pitching an idea like this, there should be at least an idea of when the freakin' ending is going to show up. It should not be withheld from the public for fear of 'spoilers'. A reader should be able to pick up a comic enjoy the stories and know that the end is, if not here, at the very least nigh. This does not pick on series that never finish due to publishing problems, this is only for those stories in which someone thought it would be awesome to leave you hanging with no sense of having accomplished something for having read the story. No matter how entertaining you are, you should have to GO SOMEWHERE, not just excuse someone else's story.
Credibility
Stop it.
Stop it!
Yikes! Did Tigra spit in Bendis' coffee?
Now, as a service to his writing and for the sake of not making it look like a personal vendetta, here is the link to Marvel Comics' website with the tag Women. They have a full list of other female superheroes that the Hood can bitch slap at his leasure.
In fact, here's the whole Marvel Directory, a great list of characters from the entire Marvel Universe for him to use as an informant and to pump up Mr. Hood.
First time, shame on me. Second time, shame on you. Third time, just give it a rest.
At work, it's well known my bemoaning the beating of Tigra because (and get this) I like the character. Sure, I may not like what she's become, but I think the start of her story is an unplumbed goldmine of opportunity. It's also well know amongst my fellow employees that I fall asleep when ever Donna Troy is on panel. I think that her original story is awesome too (a reflection of the original Wonder Woman? That's cool!), just what she's become is so complicated and so, frankly, dull that I tend to flip through whatever book she's in that I'm reading at the moment. It's a trait I share wih my co-workers and it was posed to me if I would be so hands-in-the-air exasperated if it were Donna Troy getting put out like a bad cat.
And I'll admit, if Forerunner from Countdown punked her out to show how awesome Forerunner is against someone as well known and titanically powered as Donna Troy, well... yeah. I'd be pissed. One, because Forerunner looks like she took a wrong turn at World-of-Warcraft-Night-Elf Junction, but because established characters should have more crediblity thatn that. Sure, I may not like Donna Troy but you can't call it a comeback, she's been here for years. She's got cred and that has to be respected.
Speedball should have had some cred pre-Penance. Tigra should have some cred as an Avenger.
And Bendis should have some cred as the man who brought Ultimate Spider-Man to the heights of comic fandom.
The thing is, when the characters aren't given their due, it really doesn't make me want to give the writers any either. Just the facts.
A Quick Chat
Okay, this'll be quick since I'm on a lunch break here at the ol' comic shop as Santa Barbara gets a deluge of rain (by the by, thanks customers for braving the weather for your funny books!), but I just read Amazing Spider-Man #548 where something cool happened.
Spider-Man talked to a cabbie.
One of my favorite parts of the first Spider-Man movie is when the Green Goblin is threatening peril and danger and New Yorkers start throwing stuff at him. I love seeing the odd passer-by in the comic again, that Peter's life isn't so self-centric that we don't get a chance to see the people he's risking life and limb to save. What a novel idea!
It's just another notch up to why Spider-Man is awesome. You have to admit, a chat with Superman or Batman would be rather awkward, especially in the middle of do-gooding. You can't really recommend anything to Iron Man in the moment, even if it's a good stock tip. But Spider-Man can get away with riding a cab down busy New York streets but telling the cabbie lives are in danger and he needs the driver's help. The cabbie can strongly suggest Spider-Man get registered and save himself all this trouble. Spider-Man is just as equal as a guy in a cab, there's no lofty difference or authority to check. They both want to make sure innocents don't get hurt. The Marvel hero in all of us.
Man, comics are great.
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All You Need to Know – New Avengers #41
Normally, I drag my feet to the next issue of the Avengers. It's not going to be what I want and yet will probably contain some dynamic and exciting info that I'll kick myself later if I don't know.
Today, I have an exception.
THIS IS IT FOLKS!
Actual Avengers! Backstory I understand! Reasonable and understandable plot! Mind you, I have been reading New Avengers since it's start so I know the "Breakout" storyline and can see how this fits into that, once again causing me to pause and ponder a "Secret Invasion - Secret Files" supplimental title for the Big Event, not to mention the usual Bendis trope of "characters all sound the same" but hey. We're not looking for perfection here. I'm just happy to like an issue for once.
So, we start out in Secret Invasion #2, with the Skrull characters and Our Heroes fighting. There's a dinosaur, a lot of confusion and then HEY! Ka-Zar, Shanna and Zabu! The guys that live in the Savage Land show up to find out what the hell is going on in their backyard. Spider-Man is there to crack wise, play off the danger and accuse the Savage Land crew of being Skrulls, while Ka-Zar and Shanna are there to give a little backstory.
See, they knew about the Skrulls, oh say, since the New Avengers 'Breakout' storyline. They had done some pretty cool investigating, kicked a lot of butt and figured out that SHIELD and the Avengers had been infiltrated by the Skrulls and are starting some war prep. So they get a crew together, start to take it to the streets and then New Avengers #6 happens. We cut back to now where Spider-Man admits he has NO IDEA what was going on with all of that, but thinks there's a piece of the puzzle missing. Spider-Sense goes off, Zabu goes "RRRRRRRRRR!" and Captain America shows up to challenge Ka-Zar's honor.
All in all, nothing all that new, but interestingly told, easy to fit into the scheme of things and high on the action content. People kick, people punch and there are explosions and Avengers. I am pleased.
So all you need to know is that SHIELD had a base to mine for Vibranium way back when, Shanna and Ka-Zar are on it and the Avengers are still fighting in the Savage Land.
Wasn't that fun?