snap judgments no, really, there are some comics you really should read

Calling It Now – Beast is a Skrull

Okay, I didn't want to get into this because quite frankly, I'm sick of it.  The very idea of "Who Do You Trust?" bothers me immensely because I'm one of those namby-pamby little girls that wants to believe that heroes do good the majority of the time and since Civil War, it's been hard to hold on to that belief.   It's edgy not to trust in your authority figures and that's why Cyclops has dark ops teams and Iron Man is a villain because he supports government control.

BUT!  I make exceptions.  While I will try and be Secretless here at Snap Judgments (mostly because my snap judgments is "Argh!  Freakin' Skrulls!  Smells like retcon!"), I will give a shout-out to a few ideas kicking around the ol' skull.

Like the fact that the current Beast in ... whatever X-Men book he's in right now?  Which is it?  Didn't he get an off-handed mention in Uncanny as going to look for Xavier?  Man, that guy is a hard travelin' hero!

And he's a Skrull.

I can't say I have a lot of facts to back up this judgment, snappy as it is, but I did remember that Joss "All Shall Love Me and Despair" Whedon wanted to change Beast's look back when he started on Astonishing X-Men (ALL THOSE YEARS AGO) and was told that he had to keep him lionesque because there were plans for that.  He's been very unused aside from exposition and ... well, let's just call it a gut feeling.  Not as gut-y as my 'Black Bolt better be a Skrull because Silent War was lame' feeling, but something like it.

All You Need to Know – The Avengers in Brief

I've been absent over in this neck of the woods because somedays, you read the Avengers and get his moment of existentialism. You look at the story and ask yourself, "... why? Why, Bendis? Who are these people? Who made their rent check by producing this book? Is it the guy who runs the machine that puts in the staples?

I'm starting to understand I take Bendis way too seriously. Something about his previous work and seminal stories makes me think that when I pick up something with his name on it, I'm in for a dramatic work. Something with meat on its bones that will tell me something new about the human condition or flesh out the way people speak from a word-bubble perspective. He and Loeb both, honestly, and I think it's because of their awards and praise. Start holding things up as the best ever and you start to overthink your funny books.

And there is just no thought in Mighty Avengers. Things just explode and people fight. Remember when it was a general consent that Bruce Jones was far too boring (among other things) in his tenure on Incredible Hulk and he just sort of threw in a bunch of stuff at the end as out of spite? I feel like someone told Bendis he's took talky and bland over on New Avengers and that they should be more four-color and Bendis just went, "OH YEAH?" So we just see them fight people infected by a Symbiote Virus that apparently Doom was responsible for so they run off to go fight Doom and basically blow a big hole in Latveria, ARREST HIM and then go home to deal with Secret Invasion.

As if Doom's just some guy; he and Stilt-Man hang out at the Bar with No Name and plot their next nefarious scheme, but I digress.  Later we can talk about how lame villainy is these days and how the best plans have to come from the hero end of things, but right now: Avengers.

So, Mighty is a overly quippy, obnoxiously thought-bubbly (I MEAN REALLY NOW BENDIS?   Give the artist some room!) slugfest.  Is there anything wrong with this?   Maaaaybe.  At heart, it's a grand idea and a good start for four-color action and fun.  Heck, Marvel Adventures: Avengers is a four-color slugfest and I adore that book!  I think part of my distaste comes from the fact that Bendis is considered to be a seminal writer that has set the tone of the Marvel Universe at large, so when Earth's Mightiest Heroes turn out to be a little... well, empty and hollow, then you start to look around you and realize that a lot of the really good books step outside the major influences of the ol' MU.  It seems to be a symptom of a much larger problem.

New Avengers has slowed down as to be nigh-glacial in its stories, partly because Bendis works best in slow, introspective stories where we learn a little something about ourselves and each other, but mostly because the publishing schedule got flamingo'd up.  One book has to wait for the other while the other has to kill time to match up with Secret Invasion, all of which Bendis is writing making me wonder what sort of crazy cybernetic implants Geoff Johns has in his brain that allows HIM to plan major mega-events with his books and not Our Man Bendis.  Or our editing staff.

So all you need to know?  Secret Invasion is coming, guys!  Everything's going to make sense then.  Or so we hope.