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Under the Year End Wire – Reviews for 12/28

Happy Holidays, everyone. Hope it was filled with lots of good cheer as these week's books really seem to be mixed bag of diamonds and coal. Let's take a look, but first I warn the faint of heart that this way there be spoilers for the next issue of Daredevil. Just the mastermind behind it all and a fascinating look at where the book could go soon. So, watch out, and skip the review if you don't want the answer! Forge ahead, True Believer!

Anita Blake Vampire Hunter: Guilty Pleasure #3

Ok, last issue, Anita was in a dungeon being threatened by rat people. King Rat Guy saves Anita last minute, but warns her that no, they are still dangerous. Chick gets saved an awful lot by noble male figures who are in fact, just a little wussy. Then Anita gets to meet the head vampire, who is a little girl. A super-duper powerful little girl who... can make your brain hurt. Or something. They still want Anita to help with the vampire murders (oh joy! plot?) and bring out a zombie to interrogate. Unsurprisingly, the guy zombie expert acts like a schoolyard bully and Anita is so much smarter as to tell the Master Vampire that the zombie's going to be of no use in the investigation. Then the Master Vampire and filly shirt man fight, causing Anita to flee with the botched zombie expert. They flee from the vamp's hideout to a circus where Prince seems to be looming nigh.
I do not get this book. I had that phase when I was in high school where you wanted to write fan fiction about super duper girl characters that all the boys liked and were very strong yet damsely in their distress and I grew out of that. Is this just a bad adaptation? And as much as I like the art, I think it might be hampering the book. When the Master Vampire (oh, god, don't get me started on the little girl cliché) attacks Anita so that she can get a sense of how 1337 she is, the narration text is pretty straightforward that this is some sanity threatening power here. But all we get is a delicate and spooky little girl floating above Anita who's crumpled on the floor, fingers to her temples, eyes big and mouth open. Put a Bill Sienkiewicz shot in there, sketch it up a bit, then I have the gravity of the situation. Brett Booth might be just too damn pretty.

Annihilation #5

And speaking of too damn pretty, hoo-AAH! The war continues in snippets and shots to get the basics to you (never ending battle that our heroes tend to be on the losing side for) as well as some incredibly character moments (how desperate do you have to be to have Blastaar on your side?). Moondragon yells at her dad for killing Thanos while he rails back at her that it's what he was created to do. It takes him about a panel or so to realize that Thanos was actually helping for a minute there, so Drax sets about picking up where he left off. He goes and frees Silver Surfer and after some 'just do what I tell you' dialogue... Galactus is freed. And hoo boy, they had to leave something for issue six and is it going to be fantastic! Just Galactus pulling off the machine bits from him and telling Annihilus to know fear... holy crap. But, because this is just too awesome (have to leave something for the last issue), we cut to what I always felt was the weak link in the series: Ronan. In a matter of pages, I finally get an understanding of him though. This was simply his chance to clean up the Kree Empire that had sold-out to the Annihilus Wave. After fighting his way to House Fieryo (the current ruling house of the Kree), they beg, argue, demand and grovel in the face of Ronan, their judge. They have sold out an entire people because they were weak and there is no mercy spared. Not even on the Supreme Intelligence which, correct me if I'm wrong, seems to have gotten less supreme and is more like a vegetable in a tank. With all the ruination in his path, how could the Kree Nation not chant his name while he steps out of a balcony? This is what I want out of mega events.

Civil War: Choosing Sides

Uhm, why was this in the Preview books? Because it has a new cover? Lame! Uhm, you've probably already read it, but if you were expecting new info on the Civil War, just go buy something else. It's the "Brave New World" one-shot for Marvel, a bunch of stories to try and get us to buy the new books they're pushing. There's a nice Venom story to get you into the Ellis Thunderbolts, a so-so Ant-Man story, USAgent headed to Canada for the new Omega Flight and a kind of funny Howard the Duck story. Enh.

Daredevil #92

Now, I'm going to warn you: the following is the culmination of Brubaker's run on Daredevil so far. I am about to tell you how brilliant this guy is and how amazingly this trap was set. If you don't want to know, just skip ahead.Still here? Good. Because at the head of this life-ruining montage that DD's been fighting his way through since they tossed him in prison is none other than Vanessa Fisk. Mrs. Fisk believes that for killing her son oh so many issues ago, she's going to die from an illness and has officially had it up to here with the Dance of Death between Daredevil and the Kingpin. No more Mrs. Nice Wife, she wants them to suffer through the lives that they have created for one another, locked in ugly and mortal combat. She offers Matt Murdock a chance at getting his life back under him, a veritable restart on his book where he would go back to his secret identity, his law office, his best friend, all of it. All he has to do is represent the Kingpin in court and get him cleared and out of prison. Of course, Matt eschews the idea and walks out but since the woman's got this whole thing planned for all this time, you think that he gets to say no so easily? An FBI director is killed with very faming evidence that Daredevil was the one to do it, slowly leading him back to her once more. Oh this is so good. I love arcs that wrap in on themselves and show you a brilliantly laid out plan towards a goal that... wouldn't be all that bad. I wouldn't mind a restart, back-to-basics approach on Daredevil again, but then again, I love the stories being told now...

Immortal Iron Fist #2

As of this issue, the Immortal Iron Fist is on my pull. I will pay hard earned money on this series and then, I'll buy the trade. Because, while borrowing a lot of elements from other titles that are doing well, there is nothing like this on the shelves. Iron Fist, in need of air, gets a hold of Power Man who takes him to the Night Nurse. Mark my words, folks. 2007 is the Year of the Night Nurse. The two old friends catch up, crack wise and find themselves in this new Civil Warian world. Danny Rand finds out that his eating bad Chinese food shtick does not give him street cred, that his girlfriend is using the Heroes for Hire name to work for The Man (can he sue? he might!) and that the Rand Corporation is in the first stages of a hostile takeover by Hydra. Oh! And someone else has the Iron Fist and is using it while having WWI era flashbacks and running from secret shadowy people. All of this is told in quickly-paced dialogue that's got a jokey tone to it at times and clever art that makes full use of the space and script. Go and read Iron Fist. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

Onslaught Reborn #2

I still have no idea why we're revisiting this, but here we are, knee deep in some pretty mind-wiping art and uninspired scripting. Come on, Loeb. My co-worker thinks you're like a god unto man. Why are you doing this? Mind you, if I was a 14-year old kid, I might think this is pretty "tight" (isn't that what the youngsters say today?) but when you're previous work includes Superman for All Seasons and Batman: the Long Halloween... why are we writing down? Franklin gets a rushed intro to the Avengers ( at least Cap, Iron Man and Thor apparently) who push Onslaught into a river or some sort of body of water and then send the kid off to the Fantastic Four, who proceed to remind Franklin that their not his parents and that he created them in a big event a long time back. Exposition happens and then Thor comes through a wall because a steamroller hit him. He goes back to fight the Hulk and gets controlled by Onslaught. Bam bam bam bam bam, plot punches you in the face through the entire book and no, it's not very elegant. With lines like "I can spare you or fillet you, it makes no difference." and "It's called 'The America Flag'. Folks have tried to burn it, spit on it... disrespect it." (for some reason, that line seems so sinister in my head) and the fact that Onslaught turns into a purple and red orangutan in the background on page 14, I have no idea what this book is doing here.

Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane #13

So, Gwen's new beau Peter is flighty, often comes up with lame excuses to ditch her and can seem to be anywhere on time. What's a girl to do? Why, go talk to his old pal, Mary Jane for answers. Mary Jane, who's acting distant and flighty herself to hide her secret crush on Peter. I mean, I can keep telling you I love this book until I'm blue in the face and you know, I don't even mind. It's fun, it's funny and has all the heart a Spidey book should have.

What If? X-Men: Age of Apocalypse

Attention, readers! THIS IS NOT THE AGE OF APOCALYPSE! The cover lies to you! The What If? involved is "What If Legion had Killed Both Xavier and Magneto?", effectively skipping a lot of stuff that made the original AoA cool, not to mention a lot of the characters who were involved who are now dead from an early mutant concentration camp system, leaving the resistance an odd bunch of joes including Captain America with Thor's hammer. Those who survived apparently went to the Savage Land and then Apocalypse shows up, when really seems kind of tacked on. The only really Age of A thing that sticks is Nate Grey, who grew up normally with Ma and Pa Summers in the Savage Land until he was a teen, which is when Apocalypse's forces got around to getting there. Nate Grey is grabbed by Sauron and sent to safety while the paradise that raise him in stomped to bits. Wolverine finds him in the snow and gets him into the Resistance. A lot of fighting to take down Apocalypse once and for all, yadda yadda, Apocalypse is found and gets a one-panel death. A lot of lead up and then one gooey panel and we're done... but not quite! You see, Nate Grey gets the brilliant idea that if he uses the Eye of Aggamotto and puts on Apocalypse's armor, he can go back and fix the past; Captain America thinks this is a dumb idea and fires a lighting bolt at him. The lightning bolt misses and hits the time portal Nate was going to use and yep, that lighting bolt goes through time and space to kill ALL the Xaviers and Magnetos in the multiverse. Yay What Ifs.

What If? X-Men: Deadly Genesis

If their intention was to get me to like Vulcan, they're still not doing it for me. Apparently, in "What If? the Retconned X-Men Team Had Lived?", Vulcan would become the, and I quote, "World's Greatest Superhero", a media darling and the leader of a whole slew of X-Men. Moira MacTaggart and Professor Xavier would have married, Magneto would have been defeated and that whole 'world that fears and hates them' would be non-existent. Oh, and he would have murdered the original team he went to save and hid the fact from everyone, including a deadbeat sculptor Scott. For his crimes, he's banished to space-bound Krakoa, stripped of his powers and forced to watch his crimes over and over in order to get something to eat. The end of the book leaves us with the idea that, eh, he'll get over it.

Wolverine: Origins #9

Wolverine trained Black Widow as a little girl. Man, does Logan have a thing for helping out little girls and teaching them to kick ass. We get mostly a big flashback to lil'Natasha and younger Logan escaping the Russian man who wrote the book on modern spy warfare and by the time the present returns, SHIELD is here to confuse things further. Man, and I was just starting to get into this book and here comes what feels like a rather random twist in an already dragging book.

X-Men #194

So, if you were a big blue furred person, would you wear a button-up shirt and tie? Wouldn't that be oppressively warm for someone already in a full suit of fur? Sure, a lab coat's kind of handy for keeping things in pockets and protecting you from splash damage, so to speak, but a collared shirt and bow tie? Beast just doesn't get a second thought these days, poor guy. Anyhow, Rogue and her team get very belligerent this issue in a tone that smacks of 'this isn't your daddy's X-Men anymore, kids!'. Mystique still has enough pull with the government to make Sentinel Squad ONE completely useless as the government might have a problem with registering super-heroes, but letting a team of unlicensed mutants in a floating headquarters is just fine. I mean, Mystique has pull you know. Cable hangs around, Sabretooth is Sir Not-Appearing-in-This-Book, and Sam doesn't like Scott's style of leading anymore. Oh, and my favorite: Lady Mastermind is only wearing that uniform because she only had a hospital nightie and Rogue allows her to. Mind you, I think the hospital nightie might have been a little more covering that the 'uniform' that Chris Bachalo drew, but she better earn those pasties! While Sabretooth (on the cover) isn't in the book, we do have Karima who is, in fact, an Omega Sentinel. That's new. And the mysterious 'Pan' (short for Pandemic) is shoehorned in as an old college of Xavier's and someone who tried to help Rogue when she first came to the Mansion. He also wants to reverse engineer a Typhoid Mary like condition in which... well, he'll be sick and the rest of us won't. Or he won't be the carrier of a disease and we all will be. Or that he wants to manufacture something like Rogue's powers. We hopefully will find out more detail next issue.

Remember: happy Thursday, folks.