snap judgments

Happy Holidays, everyone. Hope it was filled with lots of good cheer as these week’s books really seem to be mixed bag of diamonds and coal. Let’s take a look, but first I warn the faint of heart that this way there be spoilers for the next issue of Daredevil. Just the mastermind behind it all and a fascinating look at where the book could go soon. So, watch out, and skip the review if you don’t want the answer! Forge ahead, True Believer!

Anita Blake Vampire Hunter: Guilty Pleasure #3

Ok, last issue, Anita was in a dungeon being threatened by rat people. King Rat Guy saves Anita last minute, but warns her that no, they are still dangerous. Chick gets saved an awful lot by noble male figures who are in fact, just a little wussy. Then Anita gets to meet the head vampire, who is a little girl. A super-duper powerful little girl who… can make your brain hurt. Or something. They still want Anita to help with the vampire murders (oh joy! plot?) and bring out a zombie to interrogate. Unsurprisingly, the guy zombie expert acts like a schoolyard bully and Anita is so much smarter as to tell the Master Vampire that the zombie’s going to be of no use in the investigation. Then the Master Vampire and filly shirt man fight, causing Anita to flee with the botched zombie expert. They flee from the vamp’s hideout to a circus where Prince seems to be looming nigh.
I do not get this book. I had that phase when I was in high school where you wanted to write fan fiction about super duper girl characters that all the boys liked and were very strong yet damsely in their distress and I grew out of that. Is this just a bad adaptation? And as much as I like the art, I think it might be hampering the book. When the Master Vampire (oh, god, don’t get me started on the little girl cliché) attacks Anita so that she can get a sense of how 1337 she is, the narration text is pretty straightforward that this is some sanity threatening power here. But all we get is a delicate and spooky little girl floating above Anita who’s crumpled on the floor, fingers to her temples, eyes big and mouth open. Put a Bill Sienkiewicz shot in there, sketch it up a bit, then I have the gravity of the situation. Brett Booth might be just too damn pretty.

Annihilation #5

And speaking of too damn pretty, hoo-AAH! The war continues in snippets and shots to get the basics to you (never ending battle that our heroes tend to be on the losing side for) as well as some incredibly character moments (how desperate do you have to be to have Blastaar on your side?). Moondragon yells at her dad for killing Thanos while he rails back at her that it’s what he was created to do. It takes him about a panel or so to realize that Thanos was actually helping for a minute there, so Drax sets about picking up where he left off. He goes and frees Silver Surfer and after some ‘just do what I tell you’ dialogue… Galactus is freed. And hoo boy, they had to leave something for issue six and is it going to be fantastic! Just Galactus pulling off the machine bits from him and telling Annihilus to know fear… holy crap. But, because this is just too awesome (have to leave something for the last issue), we cut to what I always felt was the weak link in the series: Ronan. In a matter of pages, I finally get an understanding of him though. This was simply his chance to clean up the Kree Empire that had sold-out to the Annihilus Wave. After fighting his way to House Fieryo (the current ruling house of the Kree), they beg, argue, demand and grovel in the face of Ronan, their judge. They have sold out an entire people because they were weak and there is no mercy spared. Not even on the Supreme Intelligence which, correct me if I’m wrong, seems to have gotten less supreme and is more like a vegetable in a tank. With all the ruination in his path, how could the Kree Nation not chant his name while he steps out of a balcony? This is what I want out of mega events.

Civil War: Choosing Sides

Uhm, why was this in the Preview books? Because it has a new cover? Lame! Uhm, you’ve probably already read it, but if you were expecting new info on the Civil War, just go buy something else. It’s the “Brave New World” one-shot for Marvel, a bunch of stories to try and get us to buy the new books they’re pushing. There’s a nice Venom story to get you into the Ellis Thunderbolts, a so-so Ant-Man story, USAgent headed to Canada for the new Omega Flight and a kind of funny Howard the Duck story. Enh.

Daredevil #92

Now, I’m going to warn you: the following is the culmination of Brubaker’s run on Daredevil so far. I am about to tell you how brilliant this guy is and how amazingly this trap was set. If you don’t want to know, just skip ahead.Still here? Good. Because at the head of this life-ruining montage that DD’s been fighting his way through since they tossed him in prison is none other than Vanessa Fisk. Mrs. Fisk believes that for killing her son oh so many issues ago, she’s going to die from an illness and has officially had it up to here with the Dance of Death between Daredevil and the Kingpin. No more Mrs. Nice Wife, she wants them to suffer through the lives that they have created for one another, locked in ugly and mortal combat. She offers Matt Murdock a chance at getting his life back under him, a veritable restart on his book where he would go back to his secret identity, his law office, his best friend, all of it. All he has to do is represent the Kingpin in court and get him cleared and out of prison. Of course, Matt eschews the idea and walks out but since the woman’s got this whole thing planned for all this time, you think that he gets to say no so easily? An FBI director is killed with very faming evidence that Daredevil was the one to do it, slowly leading him back to her once more. Oh this is so good. I love arcs that wrap in on themselves and show you a brilliantly laid out plan towards a goal that… wouldn’t be all that bad. I wouldn’t mind a restart, back-to-basics approach on Daredevil again, but then again, I love the stories being told now…

Immortal Iron Fist #2

As of this issue, the Immortal Iron Fist is on my pull. I will pay hard earned money on this series and then, I’ll buy the trade. Because, while borrowing a lot of elements from other titles that are doing well, there is nothing like this on the shelves. Iron Fist, in need of air, gets a hold of Power Man who takes him to the Night Nurse. Mark my words, folks. 2007 is the Year of the Night Nurse. The two old friends catch up, crack wise and find themselves in this new Civil Warian world. Danny Rand finds out that his eating bad Chinese food shtick does not give him street cred, that his girlfriend is using the Heroes for Hire name to work for The Man (can he sue? he might!) and that the Rand Corporation is in the first stages of a hostile takeover by Hydra. Oh! And someone else has the Iron Fist and is using it while having WWI era flashbacks and running from secret shadowy people. All of this is told in quickly-paced dialogue that’s got a jokey tone to it at times and clever art that makes full use of the space and script. Go and read Iron Fist. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Onslaught Reborn #2

I still have no idea why we’re revisiting this, but here we are, knee deep in some pretty mind-wiping art and uninspired scripting. Come on, Loeb. My co-worker thinks you’re like a god unto man. Why are you doing this? Mind you, if I was a 14-year old kid, I might think this is pretty “tight” (isn’t that what the youngsters say today?) but when you’re previous work includes Superman for All Seasons and Batman: the Long Halloween… why are we writing down? Franklin gets a rushed intro to the Avengers ( at least Cap, Iron Man and Thor apparently) who push Onslaught into a river or some sort of body of water and then send the kid off to the Fantastic Four, who proceed to remind Franklin that their not his parents and that he created them in a big event a long time back. Exposition happens and then Thor comes through a wall because a steamroller hit him. He goes back to fight the Hulk and gets controlled by Onslaught. Bam bam bam bam bam, plot punches you in the face through the entire book and no, it’s not very elegant. With lines like “I can spare you or fillet you, it makes no difference.” and “It’s called ‘The America Flag’. Folks have tried to burn it, spit on it… disrespect it.” (for some reason, that line seems so sinister in my head) and the fact that Onslaught turns into a purple and red orangutan in the background on page 14, I have no idea what this book is doing here.

Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane #13

So, Gwen’s new beau Peter is flighty, often comes up with lame excuses to ditch her and can seem to be anywhere on time. What’s a girl to do? Why, go talk to his old pal, Mary Jane for answers. Mary Jane, who’s acting distant and flighty herself to hide her secret crush on Peter. I mean, I can keep telling you I love this book until I’m blue in the face and you know, I don’t even mind. It’s fun, it’s funny and has all the heart a Spidey book should have.

What If? X-Men: Age of Apocalypse

Attention, readers! THIS IS NOT THE AGE OF APOCALYPSE! The cover lies to you! The What If? involved is “What If Legion had Killed Both Xavier and Magneto?”, effectively skipping a lot of stuff that made the original AoA cool, not to mention a lot of the characters who were involved who are now dead from an early mutant concentration camp system, leaving the resistance an odd bunch of joes including Captain America with Thor’s hammer. Those who survived apparently went to the Savage Land and then Apocalypse shows up, when really seems kind of tacked on. The only really Age of A thing that sticks is Nate Grey, who grew up normally with Ma and Pa Summers in the Savage Land until he was a teen, which is when Apocalypse’s forces got around to getting there. Nate Grey is grabbed by Sauron and sent to safety while the paradise that raise him in stomped to bits. Wolverine finds him in the snow and gets him into the Resistance. A lot of fighting to take down Apocalypse once and for all, yadda yadda, Apocalypse is found and gets a one-panel death. A lot of lead up and then one gooey panel and we’re done… but not quite! You see, Nate Grey gets the brilliant idea that if he uses the Eye of Aggamotto and puts on Apocalypse’s armor, he can go back and fix the past; Captain America thinks this is a dumb idea and fires a lighting bolt at him. The lightning bolt misses and hits the time portal Nate was going to use and yep, that lighting bolt goes through time and space to kill ALL the Xaviers and Magnetos in the multiverse. Yay What Ifs.

What If? X-Men: Deadly Genesis

If their intention was to get me to like Vulcan, they’re still not doing it for me. Apparently, in “What If? the Retconned X-Men Team Had Lived?”, Vulcan would become the, and I quote, “World’s Greatest Superhero”, a media darling and the leader of a whole slew of X-Men. Moira MacTaggart and Professor Xavier would have married, Magneto would have been defeated and that whole ‘world that fears and hates them’ would be non-existent. Oh, and he would have murdered the original team he went to save and hid the fact from everyone, including a deadbeat sculptor Scott. For his crimes, he’s banished to space-bound Krakoa, stripped of his powers and forced to watch his crimes over and over in order to get something to eat. The end of the book leaves us with the idea that, eh, he’ll get over it.

Wolverine: Origins #9

Wolverine trained Black Widow as a little girl. Man, does Logan have a thing for helping out little girls and teaching them to kick ass. We get mostly a big flashback to lil’Natasha and younger Logan escaping the Russian man who wrote the book on modern spy warfare and by the time the present returns, SHIELD is here to confuse things further. Man, and I was just starting to get into this book and here comes what feels like a rather random twist in an already dragging book.

X-Men #194

So, if you were a big blue furred person, would you wear a button-up shirt and tie? Wouldn’t that be oppressively warm for someone already in a full suit of fur? Sure, a lab coat’s kind of handy for keeping things in pockets and protecting you from splash damage, so to speak, but a collared shirt and bow tie? Beast just doesn’t get a second thought these days, poor guy. Anyhow, Rogue and her team get very belligerent this issue in a tone that smacks of ‘this isn’t your daddy’s X-Men anymore, kids!’. Mystique still has enough pull with the government to make Sentinel Squad ONE completely useless as the government might have a problem with registering super-heroes, but letting a team of unlicensed mutants in a floating headquarters is just fine. I mean, Mystique has pull you know. Cable hangs around, Sabretooth is Sir Not-Appearing-in-This-Book, and Sam doesn’t like Scott’s style of leading anymore. Oh, and my favorite: Lady Mastermind is only wearing that uniform because she only had a hospital nightie and Rogue allows her to. Mind you, I think the hospital nightie might have been a little more covering that the ‘uniform’ that Chris Bachalo drew, but she better earn those pasties! While Sabretooth (on the cover) isn’t in the book, we do have Karima who is, in fact, an Omega Sentinel. That’s new. And the mysterious ‘Pan’ (short for Pandemic) is shoehorned in as an old college of Xavier’s and someone who tried to help Rogue when she first came to the Mansion. He also wants to reverse engineer a Typhoid Mary like condition in which… well, he’ll be sick and the rest of us won’t. Or he won’t be the carrier of a disease and we all will be. Or that he wants to manufacture something like Rogue’s powers. We hopefully will find out more detail next issue.

Remember: happy Thursday, folks.

So, the Iron Man movie site launched preemptively.  I kind of liked the X-Men ones and all their clicky glory, so it should be neat to see what kind of computer crashing flash animations they come up with for this one.

The question on my mind, however, is what Iron Man are we getting?  What’s going to happen between now and 2008 to get our butts in the theater?  Right now I wouldn’t go see-… oh, who am I kidding?  I saw the Hulk opening day in the theater.  But still, an Iron Man movie based on the guy who’s stomping about the Marvel Universe wouldn’t be that thrilling or heroic a tale.

They got a year, folks.  Let’s just strap in and see.

So I didn’t get a chance to go through the Preview Books thanks to shorter hours at work (oooh, the holidays hit hard, I tell ya), but I did read the New Avengers: Illuminati #1 (of 5). The co-writer Brian Reed fully admits that these are rushed through spot stories that really could be books in and of themselves and it shows. It’s a shame too because these are all highly important people with greater ideals who, sitting down to discuss these, could literally change the world. I mean, how do Namor and Black Bolt get along? What’s Reed Richards view on mutants? In fact, how do men of science like Iron Man and Mister Fantastic handle a man of pure magic like Doctor Strange? This could be a fascinating character study of major themes and paradigms that could help remind us of what’s being lost in setting from the fractioning done by Civil War.

Instead, I get the A-Team.

Silly me, thinking they were going to be a shadowy board of figures working behind the scenes. Right off, page three has them teleporting into a big ol’ Skrull ship and stating their demands to lay off Earth. When they don’t get a surrender, they blow shit up and ‘port away. Namor even wants a ‘Hoo-hah!’ after their action-adventure scene, something the others seem to deplore. And why would they? This isn’t a serious book. You don’t just jump over to the Skrull warship and demand they lay off then run away. These guys are smart, one of them a notable diplomat in the continual struggle between mutant-human relations, so when did ‘go in, make obviously unwelcome demands, then blow up the ship and then take off’ become a good idea? Couldn’t they think of something better? Something that would work?

In any case, they get caught and put through their own personal Bond trap (something that was hilarious and cute for the Marvel Adventures Avengers, let me tell you) which they escape from with guns a-blazing, sell a quick illusion of Galactus to get themselves clear and then realize that yeah, it was sort of a bad idea wasn’t it? “Well, at least they know it will be a good fight,” the ship acknowledges in a word bubble as they zoom off and the Skrull seem to have all they need for some dastardly plot.

It’s gutsy, it’s funny and it’s loud. It’s the A-Team and I really wonder if all the issues are going to be like this.

(and no, I have no idea how Black Bolt, Doctor Strange, Mister Fantastic, Iron Man, Namor or Charles Xavier pan out to actually being Hannibal, Faceman, “B.A.” Baracus or “Howling Mad” Murdock, especially since they are missing two….)

Uhm, wow. That book went quick. This is going to be a short one. The good news? Alex Maleev’s art does not disappoint. Everything looks sketchy and dreamy and gorgeous and is honestly the reason I paid my $3.22. Otherwise, the book is cotton candy: sweet and unsatisfying.

We start with Hawkeye waking up post-HoM outside the Avengers broken down mansion and setting up his infamous marker that we saw at the end of that series, with his costume and the arrow through the article about his death. Once that’s finished, he does the perfectly smart thing and goes to see Doctor Strange. Because if you’re really confused about your existence, hes the guy to see.

Spooky fingers are wiggled, the Eye of Aggamotto used and Clint is given a clean bill of resurrected health. Reasonably upset about Wanda killing him not once, but twice, he wants to go find her and shake her until answers come out. Doctor Strange advises against it, since really, what kind of answers is he expecting? It’s just only going to get worse and it’s not like anyone is going to take responsibility for a rather good idea rushed through the issues. After all, who would want to hear Wanda’s side of things, isn’t she just crazy?!

I digress.

Despite being Sorcerer Supreme, Doctor Strange says he can’t find Wanda and doesn’t seem at all keen on going to investigate a woman who single handedly warped the reality he’s sort of in charge of by being Sorcerer Supreme, so Clint goes on a quest. First to Genosha, which we never see and then to Wundagore Mountain where he rescues a woman from having her purse snatched. As someone else helps the mystery woman to her feet, she rises to reveal herself as- A GHOST RIDER AD! I mean, Wanda! Clint swoons.

Waking up, he’s been carried to Wanda’s humble apartment where she warns him against waking up her Aunt Agatha in the next room. Going through a series of head-holding and seductive poses, we find out that she’s made a new life out of thin air for herself and appears to have no memory of the whole debacle she caused. Lucky her. Clint, upset by the lack of closure and the fact that Disassembled and House of M still are pinned on just some chick going cuckoo (women! I tells ya…), makes everything better by having sex with an obviously lost and very hot Wanda. Waking up, he decides to give her a mysterious exit when he notes the door that holds dear ol’ Aunt Agatha who isn’t supposed to be bothered; of course, wants to take a peek. His hand on the knob, Clint remembers Strange warning him that he might not really want to know ‘the Truth’ by this point, I mean, really and so we’re left with him heading out into the street.

Well, the book is gorgeous, but nothing is answered and nothing is gained. Wanda is still some dizzy dame and Hawkeye is left to just bum around the MU with no one knowing if he’s alive or dead. Thanks, Bendis.

Next issue: Revolution!

Though I’d forget again?

Amazing Spider-Girl #3

Maybe it’s my 80′s upbringing, but having a central location for trouble be a women’s shelter is kind of a throwback in this day and age.  Not saying battered and in need women aren’t as important as they were when Jem was on, but I keep expecting Mrs. Garrett to show up and teach everyone a little something about ourselves.  More of a monster of the week issue as we catch a bit of peripheral story buzz from all the little subplots running through the book, some supporting characters catch screen time and we get an object lesson in force vs. compassion with villains.  I really do like May’s story here and I can see why there is such a huge fan base for the little book that could.  They don’t have nice futures in the Marvel Universe except here, where life isn’t perfect for our hero, but she works hard to do what she can.  How can you not like a book like this?

Avengers Next #3

In a similar vein is good ol’ Avengers Next, proving that the M2 universe is good for what ails you.  A character love triangle emerges, a fight happens and the villains take a twist at the end of the book that leaves you waiting for #4.  It’s a lot easier sometimes to pick on a book that’s doing something wrong, but when they don’t swing for the fences or fail to give it up each issue in the Mighty Marvel Manner, there are only so many times you can say ‘Good on ya, guys’.  But good on them anyways, goshdarnit!  In the days of radical change and out and out madness, there are still books you can literally take off the shelf, read and enjoy consistently.  Sure, it’s not mind blowing or risk taking but isn’t it nice once and awhile just to have it there?

Bullet Points #2

Man, does JMS love his work.  Enough to repeat it over and over, making a simple phrase seem like poetry… or pretentiousness.  You see, the issue starts off with the idea that bullets change ‘space, time and flesh’ and how really profound that is hen matched up with events.  Like say, the magic bullet theory (which I thought was pretty well disproven by this point).  The ‘space, time and flesh’ are repeated to drive the point home when Peter Parker ‘Hulks out’ and over Aunt May’s inner turmoil of not having Uncle Ben to help raise him, which are honestly the weakest parts of the book.  As if the metaphor was supposed to help the reader think it was much better for the similarities to events that also may or may not have happened.  I can say the more time spent on Steve Rogers and Reed Richards that will keep me looking into the book as it comes out (because if Captain America never came to be, Tony Stark doesn’t exist along with Rick Jones…. maybe Bruce Banner at this point too, anyone seen him?).  Next issue promises some Fantastic Four-age.

Ghost Rider #6

Richard Corben is stylish.  He’s like the R. Crumb of horror for me. And this issue uses him wonderfully as we get more of Ghost Rider’s background in between brutal moments of now.   Ol’ Flamehead is still on the hunt for more bits of the Devil keeping with the main premise of the book while we catch moments of Blaze’s life before he was really settled into the Vengeance business.  Considering how ‘monster of the week’ things could get as we look for a piece of the devil, fight him, kill him and move on, these vignettes keep things from stagnating and are done rather well.  And there’s nothing like the Hell’s Angels in Ghost Rider to make you look forward to next issue.

New X-Men #33

From the first page, my jaw dropped.  It’s a O.N.E. report!  No way!  And they are actually talking about all the mistakes they’ve made regarding school safety (minus the bus thing)!  Leave it to New X-Men to remember what it did last week, let alone last year.  In fact, with an appearance by the Astonishing headmasters Scott Summers and Emma Frost, they also cover up the fact that kids wound up saving the universe from Nimrod a few issues ago and that wasn’t even really needed, as the average reader is rather used to kids saving the world in lieu of adults.  But still, they tried and that’s why I like this book.  Mind you, Dust’s burqa keeps getting more form fitting and now sports a red sash, so I guess no one’s perfect.  This is their tie in to X-23: Target X, so it’s got X-23 having boy trouble, Mercury taking her into confidence at a coffee shop where Wolverette cuts herself under the table while mulling over her woes and then… explosions!

Wolverine #49

Wolverine is best when not taken seriously in large doses.  This is how i have come to get over my initial dislike of an overexposed character who’s normally handled with an obnoxious level of invincibility.  I think Humberto Ramos is perfect for the Canuklehead, all the exaggeration and kinetic energy just what’s needed to get across the ridiculousness of how far Logan can gone in recent storylines (I mean, I liked the book and all but… regenerating when he looks to be just a metal skeleton?).  This is a fill-in issue for the holiday season that turns out to get the point as well as give us a new one to make the reader count some blessings in the yuletide season.  Logan goes shopping for Kitty at a local mall and turns out to get mixed up in the kidnapping of a spoiled rich girl.  Now, keep in mind that the villain of this issue is just a dude, no powers, no super duper ninja squad, just a guy with a plan and it nearly works if it wasn’t for the girl’s loyal bodyguard and Logan’s bad assery.

X-23: Target X #1

You know, this is better than I thought it was going to be.  Sure, I’m slowly learning to love the Logan, but X-23 is an obvious cash grab and continues the theme of Video Game style Chicks for Marvel, women who are girls and never wanted to be as effortlessly super bad ass and oh why does life have to be so hard?   Go read Spider-Woman: Origin for the best example of this trend, but back to the book at hand.  A chance to get some fill in for between  the first mini, NYX and New X-Men, it’s written fairly well and gets its point across.  Someone should really thank Mike Choi and Sonia Oback personally, though, because without their stunning artwork I don’t think it would have flown as well as it did.

X-Factor #14

The book makes a good point:  the new noir look really saps a lot of the humor the book had oh back in the day.  But you know, that’s okay.  This isn’t the same book, despite being the same writer and PAD will remind you of that just like he did on his return to the Incredible Hulk that got lost in the House of M.  While I’m not saying the book is (without its quips because really, what’s a Peter David book without them?), it’s just not as fun as the original run and it’s not supposed to be.  For #14, we get Jamie walking about and working the beat as, with a little extra Samson time (and in an interesting twist as he plays the Val Cooper role from the original X-Factor shrink issue where the other characters are completely misjudged and there’s even a kidnapping at the end) he decides to ‘pull himself together’ and collect rogue dupes.  Guido’s guilt over killing a guy is given some closure, Monet and Theresa forgive each other if not Jamie and Shatterstar/Rictor fangirls everywhere will collectively squee over a sit down with Rictor and Jamie.  This is not an action book, it’s a conversation book and when two characters get together to hash something out, it really does sing.

X-Men: Phoenix Warsong #4

Let me get this straight:  proving to me at least that Scott still calls Jean’s name in bed, Emma gets more Marvel Girl treatment as she is cloned or eggs are taken from her ovaries by Weapon X to create a crop of Emma babies (take that Nate Grey and Madelyne Pryor!).  Five of these Emma-Babies make their way to Xavier’s and we all know and love them as the Stepford Cuckoos.  Wacky hijinks ensue, two of them die and one of them winds up ‘calling out’ to the Phoenix Force; in distress and plot convenience, they go back to the World from the Morrison run (when will they learn that only Morrison can do Morrison?).  The rest of the Emma Babies (tell me you’re not humming the Muppet Babies theme) are hooked into a very Evangelion looking device and it turns out that they are plugged into a machine that could potentially destroy all mutants.  TOO SLOW THERE GUYS!  With a lot of headache and standing around by various X-Men just waiting to do something, the Phoenix Force goes into the Emma Baby Machine and everyone goes ONNOES!  The book started out interesting and now it’s just getting silly.

Happy Wednesday, everybody