snap judgments

Civil War continues to bum me out, making going through the books a little harder these days as I see the finish line ahead in February and it’s starting to look more and more like the light to an oncoming train.  But another month has gone by, bringing us another look at your favorite anthology series about a bunch of marketable heroes, the “New” Avengers. Wait. That should be New “Avengers” as I haven’t really seen these guys do much as a team really besides hit ninjas. (SPOILER: In February? They’ll be fighting ninjas again.)

But I think I figured it out.

Since starting up this upkeep, I’m pretty sure I have liked every THIRD issue of New Avengers. The Xorn Mess, the luke-warm Captain America, then the surprisingly solid Luke Cage issue. Back to the Spider-Woman Debacle, the Sentry letdown (god, what was that issue supposed to be about anyway?), and now some peace with of all people: Iron Man.

Issue stars out cheezily enough, some guy breaking into Stark Tower via ambiguous handheld device. I know it woud take too long to really show how hard it is to break into one of the most technologically secure buildings in the nation (even when it’s not being monitored by SHIELD agents in powered armor), but couldn’t we get something better than a Palm Pilot?

Jarvis has his back turned to the huge monitoring center at just the wrong time to miss this guy (and can we decide if Jarvis is skinny or chunky style?  Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man had him rather thick in the middle while this issue he’s apparently gone on a severe weight loss program).  But when they both enter the same room, Jarvis lunges for the security alarm, and guy lunges for his gun and fires. Jarvis is religated to lying down on the floor, shot somewhere ambiguous for the rest of the issue. Guy shuts down the alarm system as Iron Man shows up wondering what in tarnation is going on here. Guy responds with “Cincula Tempest Mupon” and the armor locks up, Shellhead falling to the floor with a ‘Toom’. My Google Fu turns up nothing for the special code, but I do note it’s fun to say outloud. Especially Mupon. Mupon!

Anyhow, who is this guy who’s taken down Stark Tower, SHIELD agents, Jarvis and Iron Man in six pages? Why, it’s Kenny! Kenny, who knows Jim Rhodes apparently. And Kenny, who worked for Tony Stark at some point and is starting to feel a bit of the fanboy’s plight.  You see, he can’t stand to see the work he did for Stark being used to fight Captain America, given to SHIELD to incarcerate superheroes and to see someone he looked up to and believed going against the very ideals that Kenny looked up to Tony for in the first place. You see, he’s here to end this “war” by basically reversing the matter of the entire Stark Tower so that he, Iron Man and the rather unfortunate addition of “the butler dude” (who is fairly old, still shot and bleeding out on the floor) would simply cease to exist in a controlled implosion. Then there would be no sides, as he sees it, and the war would be over and people could get on with their lives.

Man, I was so rooting for this guy. Every single one of the issues brought up against Iron Man and his actions thus far had no rebuttal. The fact that Iron Man has barely left his suit since the War began, suggesting some need to separate himself from what he’s doing in order to rationalize it all.   The recent Giant Sized Hulk also had a similar theme of supporting characters wondering what in the world their heroes are doing anymore.  I know the feeling.  I’ve always felt that Marvel comics have always been the most, for lackof a better term, relatable.  I could be one of these guys under the same random circumstances and right now, I could really feel for this Kenny guy. Tony Stark picks him out of college and tells him the world was his, helps put his mind to this noble cause of helping people through heroism, being able to look at the TV or in the sky and see Iron Man go by and know that you helped put him there.  Feeling safe with those you honestly look up to.
Too bad he was this issue’s villain.

Shooting Jarvis and letting him just sort of bleed there while you rant and rail against ol’ Shellhead doesn’t make you look all that good, no matter where you heart is on this whole thing.   Maria Hill, still needing some reader sympathy, finds out Tony’s in dire straits, puts on a bunch of SHIELD gear (perhaps some even invented by Kenny.  IRONY!) and get there in the nick of time to shoot Kenny, stop his matter reversal processor and then it’s SHIELD to the rescue!  Let’s hear it for the best job SHIELD’s done in nearly four months!  YAY!  Oh yeah, other Avengers show up in a last minute sort of way (just a panel with Ms. Marvel and the Sentry flying in after SHIELD, good job team!).

Maria and Iron Man hang out on the rooftop, talking about how underqualified she is for this job.  Now, I could understand the whole “Not Nick Fury” syndrome; man’s got HUGE shoes to fill and people treating you like crap because you’re not the second coming of the man who made the organization what it is today sucks, but it’s understandable.  Especially when he’s running around in other books still, Life Model Decoy or not, but that’s a rant for another time.  Agent Hill says there are actually 75 people more qualified than her.  I’m almost offended that she’s apparently that bad, my knee jerking in the direction of the implications that women can’t run SHIELD.

But no, there’s a reason why Agent Hill was given one of the most powerful positions in the nation, and it has to do with the movie A Few Good Men.  At least that’s what she thinks and this leads her to believe that Iron Man… why, he’d make the best SHIELD director of them all.

So, all you need to know?  Yes, Iron Man’s role in the Civil War has been pretty messed up.  People are upset with him and bring up valid points about his actions.  They get shot, adding ’shooting innocent people’ right next to ‘killing children’ in the book of How To Tell the Reader You’re Serious.  Iron Man, not defending himself against rather valid and aggravated complaints, says all of 17 total word balloons in a book that’s supposed to focus on how he is handling the war.  He might take over SHIELD because it would “piss off all the right people”.

Yep, Agent Hill, you’re right.

Next issue: HAWKEYE!