Good Stuff
I was so sure Hawkeye was subbing for Daredevil! I was SO SURE. I would have bet money on it.
Completely by accident, Year One by the brilliant M. Parkinson who totally had Dan Slott's back on the 'Pull My Thing' grassroots effort to keep the book from cancellation, proved me wrong. And proved me wrong hard.
Curse you, Brubaker! Curse you for continually keeping me on my goddamned toes for every issues of your Daredevil run!
This is the kind of surprise I like, this is surprises kept within reason and things that make you think.
And it's pretty cool.
Go Read Year One. Laugh your rear end off.
All You Need to Know: New Avengers #22
You know, this one was pretty good.
My complaints are mostly general, but after reading the Black Panther wedding, I kind of found this refreshing.
Yeah.
So, this issue starts out in Harlem, where Luke Cage and Jessica Jones have an apartment. Keep in mind Peter Parker lives in the Avengers Tower. Luke Cage... lives in Harlem. Anyways, this turns out ot be a stroke of genius as the Gestapo Iron Man and Ms. Marvel show up to make sure they register. They assure they won't be making Jessica go fight, now that she's a mom, but Luke Cage has a responcibilty. I think Ms. Marvel says like, two things. Mostly it's Iron Man with the award for the most unconvincing arguement. Because if Luke doesn't register, SHIELD is going to come knocking on their door at midnight to turn them in as criminals.
Luke Cage makes a very good analogy to the civil rights issues of the 1950's and Iron Man rebutts with, "Oh, come on!" Now, picture that in your most whiny, exasperated tone, coming through a robotic filter and you'll see why I laughed for hours and hours. It's an audio joke, so I'm not expecting a big 'uh-huh' on this one. Anyways, Luke Cage won't give up his freedom but won't give Iron Man and Ms. Marvel a heads up on his plan. Jessica, for the sake of her baby and the retardness of the situation, drives to Canada to escape persecution. She tries to get Luke to come with her, noting that 'Canada needs superheroes too' which is true since they all seemed to get flattened randomly a couple issues ago. Everyone thank Bendis, kids.
But no, Luke Cage is going to stand his ground and he gives a very heartfelt goodbye to his wife and kid. The neighborhood comes out to see and one kid asks what Luke Cage is going to do. He tells him he's going to go home and not bother anyone, because that's his right. Midnight comes, SHIELD shows up, fight ensues. Two kids tape the entire thing, which is kind of cool. What's even cooler is that when SHIELD seems to have Cage on the ropes and before Cap and Friends show up, the neighborhood steps up for thier local hero and starts throwing things. It doesn't stop SHIELD, but it gives them pause and makes me happy to see the everyman stand up for their heroes as the heroes stand up for them. It does my heart good and reminds me why I'm a Marvel fan.
Cap and Friends show up with some quips, get Luke Cage out of there and let drop the idea of 'revolution'. Jessica sees this from Niagra on the news and gets a little hope.
And strangely enough, so do I.
This is Not an Exit – Marvel’s Whammy of a What If?
Everybody have their copy of Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man?
Didn't think so. The series jumped out of the gate tied into a convoluted story arc that STILL hasn't resolved (so Spider-Man died - again - and... everyone's okay with that? What about the chick made out of spiders? Never mind.), had only one really 'in continuity 'story and a mish mash of alternate universe tales. I was disappointed to say the least, but this last one I believe gave me a little more evidence on my Big Theory.
I have a lot of these theory things, bear with.
So! Uncle Ben from an alternate timeline where Aunt May died and Peter became a jerkface stumbles his way into our reality. Then there's some stuff with the 2211 universe, the Hobgoblin being the result of some daddy issues, maybe a little insanity, so she goes throughout time and beats up Spider-Mans. Spider-Man 2211 follows 'Hobby' and the wandering Uncle Ben runs into our Aunt May. Who promptly hits him.
You see, Aunt May's lost a little wonder in this day and age and immediately jumps to the idea that it's an impostor. I'm not saying that it's a bad idea considering, but... it tells you a lot about the MU. Uncle Ben tries to reason with her but Jarvis steps to her defense, also hitting Uncle Ben. Ben gets upset (obviously) and tries to throw down with Jarvis, making a far more interesting fight than whatever Spider-Man's doing right now. Uncle Ben, disheartened, confused and chased off, finds himself walking into an alley.
Yes, yes, nerd alert, it says 'Bad Wolf' in grafitti in said alley, a reference to last season's Doctor Who.
Anyhoo, miserable old Uncle Ben finds himself in debate with a bum, covered by a hat and newspapers so only his eyes are seen. The bum suggests Uncle Ben take things into his own hands and slides him a gun. Uncle Ben, the man we get power and responsibility from, says he couldn't possibly do that! He bum explains a recent headline on the 'Myriad Ways Theory', which is basically the idea that for every action you take, there is another reality where you took the opposite action. Yes, this makes the multiverse incredibly crowded, but read on. The bum explains that because of this, there really is no right or wrong answer, just the way you go and the way you don't, seen in a special issue of What If?
Uncle Ben winds up taking the gun after this theoretical physics lesson, kills Spider-Man 2211 before he can send Ben back to his universe (where he was supposed to play a big part) and possibly the bum as well, who looks remarkably like Uncle Ben himself. That part's a little iffy for me as they were both shown with different color eyes in previous panels and unless we're pulling an Alex Luthor/Lex Luthor scene, the resemblance is just weird and unexplained.
But even this crazy loophole isn't as important as this Myriad Ways Theory. You see, Fantastic Four: Death in the Family was supposed to be important for current Marvel continuity. If you read it, you'd know that was probably backpedaled on Newsarama because Sue does die, but in an alternate universe. Johnny goes into the time machine to fix it, saves current continuity Sue and goes back. Reed makes some comment as to how futile that was, considering it just created a divergent universe instead of fixing his own, Ben says that he was just sparing them the heartbreak of losing Sue, they all hug, then reprint time. But, more importantly, it's another psudo-mention of the 'Myriad Ways Theory', that Johnny didn't change the time line, just created an offshoot reality.
So, here it is: THIS IS NOT AN EXIT.
When Wanda created the House of M universe, she just shunted them (uh, maybe just their brains? I mean, it seemed to take the combined powers of Wanda, Pietro and Xavier, so...?) over to a different reality for a time. When she said 'No More Mutants', she was probably going to shunt them again to a reality mutant-free reality. Dr. Strange and Jean Grey Lite- I mean Emma Frost 'saved the select few' and we get kind of a half way effort. But I don't think this is The Marvel Universe.
A Marvel Universe, sure, but not the one we had pre-Avengers Disassembled. Sure, it's a little too 'JR in the shower/all a dream' a scenario, but what else could explain the strange gaps in continuity, the sudden arrival of the Sentry (previously not allowed to be in the Marvel Universe according to his first mini series, lest his alter ego kill us all). In fact, think of your own favorite editorial gaff and see if you can't put it to this theory! Fun for the whole family!
Because of this, the infamous 'No More Mutants' and the rather timely arrival of both Sentinels 'guarding' the Xavier Mansion and Nimrod in the New X-Men book (that's right, NIMROD), I thinking we might be getting into Days of Future Past territory here. Eventually the Sentinels could be called into stop the Superhero Threat (yeah, that does sound pretty silly, but it's where we're at, folks), marshal law can be brought in, the next thing you know we have red suits with spikes on 'em and Rachel Grey somewhere slapping her forehead, wondering how she didn't see this happen.
This is not an exit, Wanda. This is not your world.
I Did It All for the Cookie
My manager, Hank, is the Man as far as the store is concerned. Having worked there since time immortal, customers know to come for him to know what's good in the store. It's automatic with him while I'm over here wracking my brain for just the right pitch to make sure more people look at Dan Slott's Thing. Suffice it to say... we don't see eye to eye all the time and I have a bad habit of proclaiming 'Well, maybe because I'm a girl, but...' on a few things. Let it be known that he started it all those years ago with stupid Straczynski's Amazing Spider-Man.
Anyways, my firm stance on Civil War and Spidey's Big Reveal has put us at odds again. Chatting during dead time, he mentioned an old Newsarama article that talked about Superman and Lois and whether or not baby should make three. As he is a big proponent of the end of Spider-Man's marriage, I asked him why Kal-El and Lois get to talk kids while Heaven help us Peter Parker should be saddled with matrimony. Something was mentioned of Clark being more 'All American' and I said something about 'And Spidey isn't?' and oh, it was on.
Honestly, I live for working on days like this.
Basically, my point was that given everything that's been going on with the poor guy, Peter Parker needs to keep some form of happiness in his life. Let's face it, he's not exactly the poster child for happy sunshine days and yes, I know he became a hero out of tragedy and that he can't be happy all the time, but you know? That's not what defines him. He's a hero. He perseveres and wins the day for us in a little adolescent power fantasy. If you keep kicking him, killing him, giving him back loved ones only to take them away, adding new powers and on and on without giving him a break or a breather or what I termed 'a cookie', some sort of reward for surviving all this instead of 'hey, here's the next big tragedy!'...
To use a pro-wrestling analogy, there was a guy in the WWE who's gimmick was that he would always lose, then throw a tantrum. Sure, he was a heel on the show and we weren't supposed to like him, but the whole act just got old. The start might have had us interested as to how he was going to lose this time, but too much just got to be boring. The wrestler lost some cred with the fans too, as he became 'the losing guy'. Spider-Man should not be the losing guy. Divorcing him from his wife (as that has worked so well in the Marvel Universe in the past) or worse, making him a widower, and maybe it's because I'm the girl at the store and are far fonder of a romantic angle on characters... I just think Spider-Man will lose more than he would gain in the long run.
'But he's living in a mansion!,' I was told. 'He's got a father figure in his life in the form of Tony Stark! He's a teacher! He's married to a supermodel! How could he not have a good life?' Because, said I, the Avengers are disassembling again, Tony Stark maybe a father figure, but one who put him in a very bad position and has certainly hindered as much as helped, it's been a long time since we've seen him do any teaching (an awesome story angle I always liked) and you're the ones saying he should be divorced! Spider-Man needs to win, something, anything at this point. There hasn't been a good ol' fashioned Stilt Man comeuppance or a basic bank robbery in forever! Just give the man a cookie.
Then Jon said he was hungry for cookies and it all just got sort of set aside.
Things I Just Don’t Understand: Parenting
Sonic the Hedgehog. HUGE with kids. We barely get any for the store but there's a steady stream of parents coming in and asking for that book by name with that deer-in-the-headlights look. In fact, that's normally all they know. The parents that just say in a trembling voice, ".... Sonic? Sonic the Hedgehog?" and that's as far as they can articulate and that's all they know due to some sort of fear or hesitance because they're trying to remember what their child said or wants because they have no clue otherwise.
And that's just sad. Not to go off on a rant here, but you have no idea how many parents come in like that. Shopping for a Christmas or birthday present seems so easy until you actually step into the store and are struck by the fact we don't just sell 'Gift For Your Kid' in a big blue box. That there isn't just one thing they can get, but a variety of things that could be 'lame' or 'cool' to a whole spectrum of ages. That they should have been more involved in their kids's lives and should know their interests or at least know enough to buy a present. That they have no place to start. It's a shame based fear, the idea that they could take home something their kid doesn't want, because that will prove that they have been lacking in the parenting department.
It's not an issue of 'Oh, he should be grateful he got something at all' (which is true, in some respects); in fact, I would say it doesn't even have to do with the kid at all, thus kind of prepetuating the problem. It's the parent wanting to keep their self-image as a 'super cool bestest parent ever' even when, well, they aren't.
"Oh, I have NO IDEA about ANY of this," I'll hear, almost... proudly. "Do you know Billy? He's in here all the time, what does he do?" Or, my favorite, "I have a little boy, he's about 9, what do they like?" And all I can do is smile, understand that these are the parents going into nursing homes, and try and play Kreskin.
It sounds mean on paper, but when you have one of these nail biting moms or aunts or dads, I always just start asking them really easy questions, like 'What's his name?', 'What movies does he like?', or even 'What color does he like?' A store with SO much as ours does can be pretty daunting, especially when you're afraid of getting things 'wrong' (thus hurting their identities as a 'good parent'), that you kind of have to corral them to a starting point. His name's Toby? Great, tell me more. Oh, he likes Pirates of the Carribean? Great, here are some pirate things.
It's a little like family councelling.
We Fought a Civil War for This? – Reviews for 7/6
Still slowed down on these reviews, DC just ain't giving it up these days. Not to mention my new love of new Doctor Who and some of the research I'm doing to shout out some statements. The Internet is serious business after all. Reviews!
- Beyond! #1
- ATTENTION MARVEL! Really. The mass graves thing is yawn-inducing by now. Very edgy way back when in things like 'Days of Future Past', but way overdone by this point. Yes, you're trying to shock us by showing how deadly this book can be but please find another way?
Starting off with everyone's favorite Marvel everyman, Gravity (yes, I had to remind myself who that was too), he find a mysterious bubble device thingamagig in the middle of a park, decides to go give it the once over and we completely eliminate ANY idea of the middleman and get straight to all the people we paid $2.99 to see. A cast introduction that pretty much takes up the majority of the book as they collectively scratch their heads, the bad guys snarl and the good guys try and get organized here while we figure out everyone here. A big splash page shows some space and Marvel's favorite universal power symbol, 'white space', tells us that this is a fight to the death. These nine guys fight to kill and whomever pleases the Beyonder, I guess (hey, I didn't see a jumpsuit, so I don't know) gets a prize. Yes, our cast thinks it's a little ridiculous, but not too ridiculous for Venom who decides that it's a good enough excuse for him to go after Spider-Man. And he does, Spidey does his thing and Venom just puts a spike right through his chest. Everyone goes 'OH NOES!', Medusa runs to his side, Spidey croaks out a last 'Tell MJ I love her!' and ... dies, I guess. This makes Medusa very mad. I'm buying it for her, really so they have my attention for at least another issue out of character loyalty. And as far as characters go, it's a pretty interesting crowd with some dude and some winners. Hank Pym is there, a little pen clipped to his jumpsuit (making me wonder if this is the West Cost Avengers era Pym? Is this an Avengers Forever thing where everyone's from a different timeline?) and correcting himself on the use of the word wife in regards to the Wasp (who's in her modern uniform, getting me more confused on continuity). Nothing really to write home about, but here I am writing about it so read at your own risk. - Incredible Hulk #96
- Wow, four issues to #100. Maybe we'll get to see the Hulk again. No, really. We're hitting Bruce Jones levels of lacking Hulk here. Out of the 18 panels containing the Jade Giant in this book, only two involve smashing. Most are reaction shots and standing around. This is not the direction for the Incredible FRIKKIN' Hulk! For God's sake, people, is it REALLY that hard? This is part one of the 'Anarchy' storyline, which means the Hulk is now a freedom fighter instead of a gladiator. For the most part if you took out the Hulk and maybe even put in another heavy hitter in the Marvel Universe, hell, even a galactic one, the book would read exactly the same. This issue gives us some background on the horrible things done on this alien world to some bug people and I'm sure it was very meaningful and Oscar worthy, but I cannot get over the lack of the Hulk in the book.
- Franklin Richards: Son of a Genius Super Summer Spectacular
- Actually, that's Fantastic Four Presents: Franklin Richards: Son of a Genius - Super Summer Spectacular, I guess to make sure we all file it under the FF. Good clean fun, good for kids, you know the drill. A bunch of stories, only two reprints and a lot of fun is had by all.
- Last Planet Standing #5
- My decompressed brain cannot handle all this action! Good lord does something happen in this book all over the place! It's great! This is a comic book, my friends. The kind of book you thought up when you were bored in fourth period English and just started thinking up crazy things like power combinations and epic word destruction and Galactus and yeah! We got Punisher Robots (sorry, no Castle, though that might be his face kind of smushed on some killer robots from outer space), we got Wanda and the Silver Surfer combining powers for a heroic cause (hey, Wanda can be used for good? Who knew?), epic dialogue from the Surfer and the World Devourer, quips from the little guys trying to save the day, it's just comics. Good to detox with after all this Civil War. The main idea is that Galactus is going to take the energy of Earth, shunt it to his big ship, combine it with the ship and living gods, then pour all of it into a special star and create an entire cataclysm to devour. WHOA. Thankfully, the good guys win, Spider-Sense great for tense wire-cutting scenes, and the Silver Surfer and Galactuc somehow COMBINE to create not only a new entity, but a new Power Essential! It's like reverse Galactus, people! Instead of devouring a planet's energy, he GIVES IT BACK! I feel incredibly guilty I didn't spend enough time in the M2 Universe. It's the last issue, but a good one.
- Marvel Team Up #22
- Now, whatever you do, do NOT take this book seriously. No. Stop it right now. Just put your hands up in the air, realize that there is no real teaming up in this issue and enjoy. Why? Evil Tony Stark (this one's from an alternate universe that missed Disassembled) turns a confused and alone LMD Diamondback into a new set of armor for himself and takes the name IRON MANIAC. Maybe it's because I just read Last Planet Standing, but that's kind of cool. He even announces the name in Logo Font like DOOM does! The New Avengers show up for about 2 1/2 pages really only just to sort of wave their arms about and let this guy escape and we learn that some guys in lab coats have a Skrull. Freedom Ring? In a coma.
- New Excalibur #9
- Frank Tieri REALLY liked his Apocalypse vs. Dracula series. I did too, but as it's only little entity; he took a real throw away idea and gave you exactly what you wanted from it, no more, no less. But as we know from Weapon X, Mr. Tieri really likes his stories and will take them as far as they can go. Thus, this issue of New Excalibur. Chamber, by some miracle, is awake. Not only that, he can talk via a little remote doohickey. And instead of using it to scream constantly, "OH MY GOD MY CHEST IS AN OPEN WOUND AND I HAVE NO LUNG PLEASE KILL ME!', he turns down a creepy old man's offer for help. Creepy old man doesn't take no for an answer, kidnaps him and takes him back to the All New! All Different! Clan Akkaba, headed by none other than the pink haired retard with Blink's powers from the mini-series. They dunk him in an Apoca-Tank, give him the grey skin, blue smile and, oh yeah, a CHEST and try and convince him to join their little cult. He says no and bails. New Excalibur lands on the scene and are ready to go kick Clan butt and Chamber makes the very brave and very correct decision to tell them all to just leave everything alone, including him. Some people just want to be left alone," he tells them, reading them the riot act and stomping off like an angry little British kid with a horrible skin condition and blue clown makeup. New Excalibur proceeds to just sort of shuffle their feet and the Clan escapes with Ozmandius masquerading as Apocalypse for their nefarious deeds... whatever those are. I just hope they leave Chamber alone. Also not cool having very little of the book dealing with the team, but I can't say they were really doing much with them before.
- Uncanny X-Men #475
- Going back to the magazine style of cover layout for the book, kind of reminding me of what Morrison's run had. And I was all set to just hate this book. My optimism for a good X-Men title is somewhere near my shoes and considering how much I hated Deadly Genesis, Brubaker was fighting an uphill war, awesome Cap issues aside. But no. This was a good start, far more back to basics than I thought it would be. It's Xavier, pretty damn well humbled by Decimation and Deadly Genesis, one-upping Magneto by going out and trying to fix his problems. How does he do it? He gathers some X-Men who want to come and who could benefit from the scenery change and puts them in the Blackbird and flies them to the Shi'ar Empire to stop this Vulcan guy from doing anything evil because he's the latest character to get the 'most powerful mutant I've ever encountered' title. The team s a little funny and there's a lot of old baggage to dump from the last issues and I think space travel could do these guys some good. A little unsure about Lorna Dane and her new 'powers, but not really powers' situation, but it's not emerging 'from the dark night that engulfs her' that Mulligan's X-Men had so... I'll be strong. I'll give this a shot. If only for the 'get in the damned plane and fly these people across the stars to fix this mess' Xavier and Thunderbird. I don't know how he got there, I don't care. He's Thunderbird.
Missed DC entirely, even the last two books in the Marvel Previews, so let's indulge a little bit and put the title of this website to the test.
- Marvel Adventures: Spider-Man #17
- Good kid fun. Maybe a little silly, maybe a little simple, but he's not dying or being reborn or living with Avengers or telling everyone who he is. He's just Spider-Man, doing Spider-Man things. Read it for a good detox.
- Mighty Marvel Western #1
- If you liked them, you'll like this. If you didn't like them, you'll move on to the next book. If you never read it, you'll flip through the book and make your own decision. It's niche book and it'll do well for just it's niche. No new ground, but Marvel Western tales.
Happy Thursday, folks.
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Wedding of the- Oh, Who Are We Kidding?
Man, the heat must make me mean or something.
As customers came up to the counter with their weekly pull or selections this Wednesday, I always like to throw in a little something just in case they'd forgotten something. “Hey, Civil War #3 came out” or “Oh, don't forget that the Justice issue out there with the new cover is just a reprint”. You know, helpful hints and tricks.
This week, looking through the Marvelite stacks, I'd off handedly say, “Oh, no Black Panther? No Wedding of the Century?” NO one went back for it. Most shrugged or gave me that 'meh' face or explained that the direction of the character wasn't doing it for them. I don't think we ordered that many either (mind you, Diamond skipped an ENTIRE box including some of our big titles and we were only able to cover so many of the pulls and have a HUGE shortage list including those godforsaken Halo graphic novels people have been chaining themselves to the store for, but this is a rant for another time....), but I don't think I sold all that many.
Reading it on my lunch break explained everything. What a miserable book.
And this is just the cover.
First page's 'Previously' can be summed up thusly: Wakanda is pretty tough. Black Panther is their king. He's taking a queen, whom 'he shares much love and history'. First page has more black people on it than I have seen in a long time. And apparently Black Panther's wedding is being covered by BET and two really vapid people. I would have much preferred some, oh CNN anchors to give it some gravity and the fact that a lot of people in attendance are huge players in America's All New All Different Civil War. Maybe even a shot from SHIELD saying 'Hey, lets not keep this SRA thing up at Wakanda, because according to the Previously, they could kick our ass.' Putting the pop culture aspect first seems to me at least, a little cheaper than it should be. This is two royalty (as Storm is a princess, I'm guessing by the proposal giving her the status since she's not affiliated with any country...), not Brad and Jen.
“It's not just about the money, they're superheroes!,” gushes one BET newscaster. Really now? It's not building a foundation for a very powerful country and uniting some of the world's most disaffected and very dangerous people by watching one of their own be accepted by a very powerful person? This is huge, in a way, like they've been saying. It'd be like the German Chancellor marrying a very powerful and prominent woman, both adding to the country's leadership and making a gay rights statement. Then again, this isn't about the money.
It's a about the superheroes! And boy, there they all are. There's Cyclops, being a dork and wondering how this is going to change her position in the X-Men, even though she really hasn't had one since Claremont put her in X-Treme X-Men. Emma Frost shuts him up and people kibitz and make a show of putting aside their Civil War difficulties. Isaiah Bradley shows up, making me want to read more of the Truth series as Luke Cage explains that Mr. Bradley is the 'first me', I guess meaning black superhero.
Elsewhere, for her first in book appearance, Storm's first words are 'Whatever makes you happy, dear.' as they talk about what the wedding will entail. That's my strong African goddess. Apparently, the ceremony doesn't matter, it's the very scary Panther God that gets to decide if all this hullabaloo is going to mean anything. It may deny Ororo the privileged of wedding T'Challa, it may eat her, all sorts of terrible things. In a genius move, Storm notes that, should the Panther God not like her, Black Panther better drop his crown and marry her. T'Challa? Love of her life? Childhood sweetheart? The man she shares much love and history with? He changes the subject. Storm notes he didn't answer. He never does. I'm not sure if that's supposed to be funny or not.
A Watcher shows up, again, and someone points it out through a guide book. I kind of like that.
More guests arrive, including President Bush, Nelson Mandela and ... Oprah. BET declared her the most popular person in the world. There a scene with Ororo's side of the family I had trouble with, mostly because the little orphan thief girl having family is new as of Uncanny X-Men Annual 1. Not that it's not possible for her to have them I just feel I'm supposed to know them better. A chance to echo Kanye West's quote regarding President Bush is not missed. T'Challa has a last minute pep talk and the phrase he uses before walking down the aisle is 'Let's do this.'
They all take it as a good sign and the celebration begins. Later that night, surrounded by rather pedestrian wedding gifts like crystal flutes from Emma and Scott and what looks like a picture of the X-Men. They get a holographic card from Doctor Doom, then take the night off. Oh, and there's supposed to be some sort of threat by the psychic parasite Cannibal. Wasn't sure where that was going, Dr. Strange and Brother Voodoo got a couple panels to feel it out. I think it was resolved. Oh! And the Iron Spider suit lowers Peter Parker's IQ because if there is on thing I know is that if a very large man in a giant ape suit is very drunk on scotch, picking on his Man-Ape name is probably going to result in someone getting punched.
All in all, certainly not the Wedding of the Century and plenty of missed opportunities.