Ways not to seem cool in front of the comic store employee:
1) Wow, they make a 'BLANK' Comic/Card Game/Action figure?
- You may be impressed, but we took it out of the box, inventoried it, priced it and hung it on that shelf. We already know. And unless you're going to add some sort of qualifiers or new info, that's a statement that's pretty much going to hang there. And I know you're going to repeat this about most anything within your field of vision. If you really want to know about it, say something like 'What's 'BLANK' comic/card game/action figure about?' That I can answer.
2) So, I do martial arts...
-Yeah. So does Batman. You ain't him.
3) Oh, I'm just killing time...
-Thank you for admitting to wasting my time.
4) I saw the X-Men movie, I liked it. What do you think?
-You don't want my opinion. Really, you just want me to agree with you. If I were to spit out my comic book vitrol at you if I disagreed, you'd get that blank look on your face. Best to just smile and nod.
5) Have you seen 'BLANK'? I bought the DVD...
-Well... good to know. This is like 'Oh, I own all these comics', but worse because it's not even a comic. Sometimes, we don't even sell the DVD in the store that they're talking about. It's just said to impress the employees or prove he (or she) has 'good taste'.
6) Have you seen 'X Commerical' when the guy goes 'BLAH' and then this happens?
-Oh, for the love of God and all that's holy, do NOT reinact commercials. No matter how funny they are, they are still ads and you will never be as funny as what I see on TV unless you're Neil Patrick Harris. And, I hate to let you down on this one, but you're not Eddie Izzard either. So stop.
7) So, this a good place to pick up girls?
-.... This is why lazers don't come out of my eyes.
So, I know 'Industry Professional'...
-Is he here? Boy howdy, do I want to talk to him instead of you!
9) So, you work here a lot?/ You're in here all the time!
-Should I be clutching my mace a little tighter when I walk home?
10) Not saying anything, just leaning in front of the register and 'hanging out'.
-Dude. We got customers. MOVE OUT OF THEIR WAY! Hanging out at the comic shop is not cool. You're not gaining 'counter/pop culture' points by standing here. There is no cred to get. Go home.
The reason I made this list is because there's a guy in the store making it a personal mission to press every single button on this list. He wins. What he wins, I don't know, but I'm sure he thinks he's The Goddamned Winner.
EDIT: If you're reading this, I'm also probably not talking about you. You're a respectful sort right? You're there to buy your books, engage in some light conversation and have a good time. I trust you.
It's those OTHER people....
Okay: in Civil War, SHIELD is going to start going after unregistered superheroes. With assistance from those who have registered, they will make a task force of honed skill and power in order to take down most of Earth's Mightiest and Co., right? I'll follow that. Only if you can explain to me why SHIELD hasn't done this before for supervillains. I mean, if they really want to get rid of vigilantism, then they have to provide better security for the common man. And if they have the manpower to take down someone like Captain America, then why is the Rhino a problem? Supervillains create the need for superhero and if the average policeman or even SHIELD operative could handle them, then there wouldn't be a need for that something extra your average costumed hero provides.
Which makes me think of something else: so we're getting rid of all the heroes? Xavier's School at Westchester is now an 'internment camp'? Sentinels seen as protectors of mutants and humans? Heroes will be 'hunting' down traitors? What's Rachel Grey think of all this? Now while I'm not historian when it comes to Days of Future Past, I do remember some key points that sound awfully familiar. So far, all I've seen Rachel Grey do is talk to a therapist and rent movies. Mind you, I can't really say the X-Men are doing anything to better their postion regarding their home-turned-internment camp. But is that where we're headed?
Hrm. Maybe we're going to find ourselves in Claremont's alternate future, run around with that as the reality and then Rachel Grey, maybe Wanda as some retribution and, oh say, the Sentry, are going to combine forces, and do what Rachel was supposed to do when she came back and that's fix the Days of Future Past reality from coming true. Then we'll get a huge reboot back to the 80's... I don't know. I'm just thinking outloud again.
NEWSARAMA - Speaking of upcoming events in Civil War, Quesada said that no Spider-Man fan should miss Civil War #2, as it features a very significant event in the life of Spider-Man.
Civil War, yadda yadda, Spider-Man's life will change FOREVAR OMG WTF BBQ!!!
God, haven't we heard that before? Wasn't that the pitch for The Other? Or Disassembled? I'm not saying that change is bad. I'm just saying there's been a lot of changes recently, one on top of the other and none of them are getting much attention.
My Mom used to say that Lenny Bruce said "You can't hit a hooker in the head and say 'I Love You'." (I can't find the actual wording of that quote, but you get the idea, I hope.) There's only so many times we can hear 'In this issue... THIS PERSON DIES!' or 'This character's life is changed FOREVER'' before we start to lose that thrill. It's common knowledge that death is not permanent, a self-referential joke about a simple short-coming. I'm almost to the point of wanting characters to die so they can get a fresh start again when they come back. Heck, kill Rogue! Get that girl away from Gambit and a new life! Kill Xavier and Magneto so they can reboot back to working as a team and watch things fall apart. Hell, let Punisher kill the whole damned lot and let me catch up on my TPs.
But that's my inner grouchy old cat lady talking.
It's almost a given by this point that Spider-Man is going to fess up to being Peter Parker. Marvel could pull a different rabbit out of the hat, but I'd give it a 85% chance. At work, my manager thinks this will radically change the character and is enthusiastic about the development. Me, I'm not so thrilled. Sure, there would be some good stories to come out of the change and would certainly put the crosshairs on Mary Jane and Aunt May, but... for how long? How long will it take for writers to get bored of the change and put things back? A couple years? I just don't see this having any staying power.