Ways not to seem cool in front of the comic store employee:
1) Wow, they make a 'BLANK' Comic/Card Game/Action figure?
- You may be impressed, but we took it out of the box, inventoried it, priced it and hung it on that shelf. We already know. And unless you're going to add some sort of qualifiers or new info, that's a statement that's pretty much going to hang there. And I know you're going to repeat this about most anything within your field of vision. If you really want to know about it, say something like 'What's 'BLANK' comic/card game/action figure about?' That I can answer.
2) So, I do martial arts...
-Yeah. So does Batman. You ain't him.
3) Oh, I'm just killing time...
-Thank you for admitting to wasting my time.
4) I saw the X-Men movie, I liked it. What do you think?
-You don't want my opinion. Really, you just want me to agree with you. If I were to spit out my comic book vitrol at you if I disagreed, you'd get that blank look on your face. Best to just smile and nod.
5) Have you seen 'BLANK'? I bought the DVD...
-Well... good to know. This is like 'Oh, I own all these comics', but worse because it's not even a comic. Sometimes, we don't even sell the DVD in the store that they're talking about. It's just said to impress the employees or prove he (or she) has 'good taste'.
6) Have you seen 'X Commerical' when the guy goes 'BLAH' and then this happens?
-Oh, for the love of God and all that's holy, do NOT reinact commercials. No matter how funny they are, they are still ads and you will never be as funny as what I see on TV unless you're Neil Patrick Harris. And, I hate to let you down on this one, but you're not Eddie Izzard either. So stop.
7) So, this a good place to pick up girls?
-.... This is why lazers don't come out of my eyes.
So, I know 'Industry Professional'...
-Is he here? Boy howdy, do I want to talk to him instead of you!
9) So, you work here a lot?/ You're in here all the time!
-Should I be clutching my mace a little tighter when I walk home?
10) Not saying anything, just leaning in front of the register and 'hanging out'.
-Dude. We got customers. MOVE OUT OF THEIR WAY! Hanging out at the comic shop is not cool. You're not gaining 'counter/pop culture' points by standing here. There is no cred to get. Go home.
The reason I made this list is because there's a guy in the store making it a personal mission to press every single button on this list. He wins. What he wins, I don't know, but I'm sure he thinks he's The Goddamned Winner.
EDIT: If you're reading this, I'm also probably not talking about you. You're a respectful sort right? You're there to buy your books, engage in some light conversation and have a good time. I trust you.
It's those OTHER people....
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Comic Shop Employee PASSES JUDGEMENT!
Ways not to seem cool in front of the comic store employee:
1) Wow, they make a 'BLANK' Comic/Card Game/Action figure?
- You may be impressed, but we took it out of the box, inventoried it, priced it and hung it on that shelf. We already know. And unless you're going to add some sort of qualifiers or new info, that's a statement that's pretty much going to hang there. And I know you're going to repeat this about most anything within your field of vision. If you really want to know about it, say something like 'What's 'BLANK' comic/card game/action figure about?' That I can answer.
2) So, I do martial arts...
-Yeah. So does Batman. You ain't him.
3) Oh, I'm just killing time...
-Thank you for admitting to wasting my time.
4) I saw the X-Men movie, I liked it. What do you think?
-You don't want my opinion. Really, you just want me to agree with you. If I were to spit out my comic book vitrol at you if I disagreed, you'd get that blank look on your face. Best to just smile and nod.
5) Have you seen 'BLANK'? I bought the DVD...
-Well... good to know. This is like 'Oh, I own all these comics', but worse because it's not even a comic. Sometimes, we don't even sell the DVD in the store that they're talking about. It's just said to impress the employees or prove he (or she) has 'good taste'.
6) Have you seen 'X Commerical' when the guy goes 'BLAH' and then this happens?
-Oh, for the love of God and all that's holy, do NOT reinact commercials. No matter how funny they are, they are still ads and you will never be as funny as what I see on TV unless you're Neil Patrick Harris. And, I hate to let you down on this one, but you're not Eddie Izzard either. So stop.
7) So, this a good place to pick up girls?
-.... This is why lazers don't come out of my eyes.
-Is he here? Boy howdy, do I want to talk to him instead of you!
9) So, you work here a lot?/ You're in here all the time!
-Should I be clutching my mace a little tighter when I walk home?
10) Not saying anything, just leaning in front of the register and 'hanging out'.
-Dude. We got customers. MOVE OUT OF THEIR WAY! Hanging out at the comic shop is not cool. You're not gaining 'counter/pop culture' points by standing here. There is no cred to get. Go home.
The reason I made this list is because there's a guy in the store making it a personal mission to press every single button on this list. He wins. What he wins, I don't know, but I'm sure he thinks he's The Goddamned Winner.
EDIT: If you're reading this, I'm also probably not talking about you. You're a respectful sort right? You're there to buy your books, engage in some light conversation and have a good time. I trust you.
It's those OTHER people....