snap judgments

So I go into Borders Bookstore this morning and what to my wondrous eyes do appear? The X-Men: The Last Stand novelization.

Novelizations can often be like little guidebooks to the treacherous vacation that is a comic book movie (please, if you haven’t, go read the Hulk movie novelization and see that even Peter David couldn’t make sense of the ending of that movie). And since I have this fear of the latest X-Men flick that is nearly akin to my fear of spiders (’Oh, god, but what if it sucks? But I like the cast! *furious nail biting*), I thought about picking it up. And turning to the last page.

Yes, I am no fun. But I am very big on theories.

And the one I use probably second most in my daily life is why comic book fans purchase junk. We don’t like the way a book is going, we don’t like the art, we complain and beat our breasts and tear our hair but yet, there we are, every week, spending our hard earned cash on something we’re not happy with. We don’t like the new Spider-Costume? We buy it anyway. We hope it will change. If you read the internet, it’s a wonder comics sell as many copies as they do.

I call this the ‘Take Ike Back’ syndrome.

Mostly because of the SNL sketch I was watching at the time when the idea showed up.

Because no mater how hard we get kicked in the teeth, no matter how childish and foolish we’re made out to be, we always come back. We make excuses (’Oh, it’s just Chuck Austin! We hate him.’ ‘They’re leading up to a bigger storyarc.’ ‘We just fell down some stairs.’), we give allowances (’Oh, no, Daredevil: Father being so late is okay, Joey Q’s a busy guy!’). Being behind the counter, sometimes one of the other guys will make a note of how many books someone is putting back and go ‘Man, he doesn’t like anything!’ Which is his right! If a book is not up to your $2.99, you don’t have to get it. If the book is bad now, your collection is probably better off without them.

We’re a talented bunch to keep up with all these characters and storylines and publishers have really shown us a lot of opportunities than we would have if we’d stuck to the indy comics or sci-fi section at the local bookstore. We’ve had our ups, our downs, but we have fond memories of the way we and the Big Companies used to be. Nostalgia and knowing that this could be so much better keep us with a title when it starts to smell.

I own way too much of Bruce Jones’s run on the Incredible Hulk. The first issue was pretty good but then after it just started to sink with way too little of the Hulk and really drug out stories. Then Emil Blonsky’s wife somehow made it to the US to run a diner out in the middle of nowhere and Bruce Banner was sleeping with her and Betty was back from the dead and gamma-powered and sleeping with Doc Samson and Bruce Jones came to my house to personally kick sand in my face. I hated that book. I took it personally (why do we do that?) but by God, I know the whole ending to that last storyarc he wrote and can retell it in angry verbatim.

Why? Why did I read it? Why didn’t I just walk away, let go and go back to back issues? Perhaps because I took it personally. Perhaps because in that big ol’ pile of manure, I thought there might be a pony.

So I did actually pick up the X3 novelization and flipped to the back page (’An epilogue! Surely it won’t be in the film.’). What I learned made me angry. But I’m going to go see the movie anyway.

It’s got Multiple Man.