snap judgments

You know, I could have had these out a bit sooner, but… DevilDucky. I know, I’m a little slow on finding these things. =) Not to mention other momentous occasions.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR! To Mike and his sibling and anyone else he knows that might be having a birthday around now. Just in case.

Anyhoo, REVIEWS!

X-Men: Apocalypse vs. Dracula #2

Ah, continuity. Hee. Jack Starsmore, as a gift of being of Apocalypse’s bloodline, can breathe fire, like his modern-day counterpart had stuck in his chest cavity could up until recently. I tickle easily. It’s not moody, it’s not evocative, it’s not deep or metaphorical. It’s fucking Apocalypse vs. Dracula and what it says on the cover, it delivers. The Akaba Clan summons up their dark lord (very Victorian and seance-y in a way), who treats them like the children that they are. Van Helsing is brought in by one of the lessers, Jack Starsmore, to explain our very simple plot and the big blonde guy from last issue brings home Drac. Sure, it doesn’t thrill, but it abides.

New Mangaverse #3

Some serious ’splode here folks. The book at least doesn’t take too seriously. The Manga-ized Asian Squad goes after an Air Force base, gives some powers to Warbird, then leaves. Back home, everyone (let’s see, Spider-Man, Black Cat, MJ, the girl Johnny Storm, Iron Man and fan fav. Wolverine) bicker about until Wolverine slices off what looks to be a robotic arm on Black Cat, Spidey gives us a talking to on responsibility and then everyone goes and fights the bad guys. Forgivable that it’s not that good because I don’t think anyone suspects it to be.

Spider-Woman: Origin #4

Ok. She’s gonna sleep with a name this issue. That’s how these things go, right? Proves herself all bad-ass and wily and a killer then, to prove to guys they shouldn’t be intimidated by a female lead, she has to be vulnerable through sex. Oh. It’s her MOM that gets raped and killed. “Because she’s a trained agent of blah blah blah.’ See, even Nick’s sick of it. “Would an agent of SHIELD stoop so low as to sleep with someone like me just to get close to information?” *ding* I’ll take it. The underwater electricity is cute. Ms. Special Boots wants her parents so she goes along with the info Nick Fury gives her only to find her mother hastily undressed and blood-splotched thanks to B-lister, Whiplash. These days, we all know what that means. She then ‘disappears’ again to go find intel on an ‘Athena Project’, the reason why Whiplash did the deed he did. She plays the Merry Tart to Count Otto Vermis, also a Hydra guy but a smart one as he learns to kill the chick who asks too many questions during sex. They make a weak attempt at killing her and Spider-Woman goes to a Top Secret Base to find her Dad. On one hand, I wish this book was just over before it gets anymore cliched, but at the same time, I kind of want to know why on Earth they think this is all so cool. Also, Bendis should write more Fury.

Annihilation: Prologue #1

Giffen, you are a busy man. Funny how DC’s Death is a Spunky Goth Girl, while Marvel’s Death is apparently now Wednesday Addams. I miss the shapely skeleton. Well, at least it’s interesting. I have to admit, it’s hard to get into the hardcore sci-fi books in comics these days (at least in regards to the Big Two) because it’s like knowing an entirely separate world. And when the normal super-world is confusing, a whole new one in space is another story. Especially when there is little current links between the two. It’s a prologue, so there’s a bunch of different spots to our story here, Drax and his wayward waif still going to prison, Richard Ryder coming in on special call from the Nova Corps, sneaking Super Skrull snooping around, Silver Surfer and Thanos sensing a ‘disturbance in the force’, and it’s all tied together by a big destructo-armada from Annihilus and we have title sign. Again, it’s easy to let stuff like this slip away from you in the big picture, but there’s a lot of little touches to pull you into the story when you drift out too far. Let’s see where they’re going with this.

Punisher vs. Bullseye #5

Last issue, last one was ok, let’s see what the whole thing was about anyways. Daniel Way really is the poor man’s Ennis and you know, that’s not a bad thing. Ryan Sook was the next best thing to Mike Mignola and I’ll stilb pick up his stuff when I see it. I like my villains crafty and to take a guy who who’s claim to fame was killing a chick who just came back anyways (thus taking any glory he might have had) and then send him off the track of one-trick pony to matching wits with the Punisher, that’s okay in my book. If you read Bullseye’s Greatest Hits, you know what I’m talking about. That almost ‘Bugs Bunny’ level of witty mayhem that leaves people with their pants down and Bullseye whistling away. Technically, this should have been Bullseye vs. Punisher since in the end, he kind of made out like a bandit, but I think another book got that first, so there ya go. Lots of little human touches, lots of fun. Punisher vs. Bullseye, just like the cover says.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #6

Okay, now I feel for the guy considering had to start out a nigh-brand new title with that whole Other debacle and he sorta swung and missed with the issue after, but this… this should be getting us on track, right? Spider-Man, written by a pretty funny and witty guy? Please? First off, the art: Roger Cruz is working here, making me wonder what happened to ‘Ringo. Supporting characters are juggled well, considering the new Flash Thompson twist. The character, recently in a comatose state with a few little moments here and there seems apparently just fine and taking over his old spot as Peter Parker Provoker™ and Coach at the high school Parker works at. Oh, it’s like the Odd Couple with teachers! And it’s the 1960’s all over again. Anyway, our story is simple: a mysterious and mystical masked Mexican wrestler has to wrestle Spider-Man and unmask him in public or lose his soul so he sets up a charity benefit with J. Jonah Jameson to lure Spider-Man to his clever trap. At the height of the wrestling match, Spider-Man pops those ’stinger’ things from his wrists, apparently kills ‘El Muerto’ (wow, late night name grab, that one) and leaving everyone kinda ‘huh?’. Also, Aunt May gives a little homespun advice that Wolverine is hip on and Jarvis asks her on a date. Old people are so cute. I tryst Mr. David, so we’ll go another issue before he seems far too clogged by editorial decisions.

Generation M #5

Last issue! And it’s … very different from the others. Maybe because it throws the plot forward like a water balloon in a sling, only to splash all over you and leave you cold. Go metaphor, go. Finally, after dragging us through all that ‘listening to other mutants’ business, Sally Floyd tells her story and it’s heartbreaking. That portion of the book really hit home and brought back the idea that ‘M-Day’ was more far reaching than we could see, which I hope was the point of this book. The Mutant Killer that’s been haunting the last few issues shows up in person looking a lot like Brundle Fly and the X-Men pop in as well (oh yeah, Angel’s wings or lack there of last issue? Clever ruse!). A mediocre fight ensues killing the only non-named guy they had (though I’ll still call him Brundle Fly) and the main character is lauded by the hated and feared. Oh, yeah. Moonstar, on the cover, she gets a page that makes her seem far too overdramatic. ‘But I don’t dreeeeeam anymore!’ Oh, quiet you, you’re a character that’s not going anywhere and hasn’t for decades. Those are the real tragedies I suppose, all the named mutants that had been fan favorites for someone through the years, tossed aside for the New Big Thing and set adrift until the next retcon. Wow, if there had only been a book about their story…

Runaways #14

Honesty. You know, I think that’s it. I think that’s why this book does so well, it’s the honesty of the characters and their small, self-contained story that everyone can relate to in away. You know, what Marvel’s good at, the personal, relatable hero. Think on that for a minute.Okay, back to the book: the kids hangout, describe their current lot in life and how they feel about it, go through some subtle personal changes and we are then sent on a rather shaky bit of rewind and fast-forward as one of the other MMORPG groups traitor Alex Wilder used to hang out with get the idea something is/was up with their ‘Captain America’. The emo kid in the group hacks into a bunch of stuff and figures out the plot of the book *plus* how to ‘bring Alex back’. They do (because) and get entirely different results than they expected. When I read the book, I have to admit, I like it. I just don’t read it all that often.

Untold Tales of the New Universe: Justice #1

This isn’t Ellis’s supposed Redux of the New Universe is it? I’m pretty sure it’s just a nostalgic revisit. And what a revisit this is! Man, who knew I’d actually get something out of these little stories? Maybe there’s something to those quarter-bin books after all. Also, this ‘White Event’? Very ‘Wild Cards-esque’ and very fitting as to why I dig Marvel books so much. More on that later.
A unique little morality tale that comes across a lot better than Peter David’s Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man one. There’s a guy doing the wrong thing for arguably the right reasons. Justice finds that good acts can lead to possibly evil-er ones in the future and the fact that it’s a shit job trying to sort that kind of stuff all out. A good single story you can kind of chew over and red at a coffee shop and debate with your friends. The art’s not particularly spectacular (or amazing) but the story is good enough to propel it along.

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #201

See the 1950’s sci-fi guy on the front. That’s Clayface he doesn’t matter in this issue in the slightest. Oh sure, he gets in a couple swings at the start, but that’s it! What this book is actually about is the fact that Gotham has a ‘Jack the Ripper-esque’ legend that was never solved and some guy is saying in public that the killer was none other than Dr. Wayne, Bruce’s daddy. At first Batman’s like ‘Whatevah, I’ll just sue!’ but Alfred sets him to task and let the Detective work begin! Interesting enough premise, but there’s nothing interesting or new to the story that isn’t being done better or cooler elsewhere. Want a story about Wayne past? Go find Batman: Secrets. Want some old school detective work? Go read Batman and the Monster Men. At least the ‘Disguise lab’ was kind of cool.

Birds of Prey #92

Another book to make me go ‘Wow! 92 issues? Really?But it’s more One Year Later madness as everyone kicks it up a notch in the DCU and Birds of Prey is no exception. Lady Shiva’s on the team! Black Canary goes to an underground Vietnamese fighter training camp and gets her ass handed to her! The Crime Doctor needs to live and was that Gypsy? Well, Lady Shiva is an interesting development even if I’m not all that thrilled by the character. Like most OYL books, it’s going to need a little time to settle in.

Red Sonja Claw #1

What ho then, ey? Fairly enjoyable sword swinging fun in a not terribly drawn book. Average and cheeky, just don’t expect much. A man cursed with a webbed and kind of rotting looking hand (… and he’s called the Claw? Sure, he’s going kind of long nails, but…) decides to end it all and off himself, but not before bandits get to him first. Red Sonja, watching from a little ways away, decides that this is a good enough time as any to go join in the fight. Bandits dispatched, they share exposition and travel to a town where Red Sonja says there’s someone who could help the guy out. Turns out the town went evil while she was away.

DMZ #5

Oh, wow. Where’d this book come from? How’d I miss this? I have a soft spot for cautionary tales and dystopian futures. And this just so happens to be a great issue to jump into! Go me. Apparently th main character is a journalist living in a pretty gritty and dark future. His jacket and pres badge are his life and when someone breaks into his apartment, that’s what gets stolen, leading on a traveler’s tour of this book’s version of NYC. A little bit of info on everything and a good way to set you into the setting. I’m definitely looking up 1-4 now. Brian Wood’s a good guy and enough like Jamie Hewlett that gets to me.

100 Bullets #70

>I know that if I’d been following the past 69 issues, I would be all over this story. As is, while the art and mood are terrific, it’s just so far away from what I know (the basic premise as was told by me was that there are a 100 unmarked bullets in a case that are given to people in dire circumstances and it’s sort of a play on what would you do if you really could get away with murder) that it’s a very insular story. Some sort of thing is going on in the meat industry between rival factions and two brother, plus a mafioso type dies leaving his rather sharky family to decide if they’re going to bond together or back stab each other to see who’ll be in charge.

Elfquest: the Discovery #2

Okay. Are you sitting down? Get ready. I can’t stand Elfquest. And yes, I am female. I know it’s one of those books that chicks tend to gravitate towards but it just does nothing for me. The artwork is kind of weird in a not-that-manga kind of way, the language in the book is so purple it’s nearly black and … no. I mean, I’ll read Mars and Hot Gimmick and a load of other very girly books but Elfquest I try to actively avoid. But, for you and DC Comics who sent out this issue for preview, I’ll see what it’s all about. So: Land Guy loves Water Girl, who he met psychically. Land Guy’s homies are all for this and are really excited and the Token Human Chick acts like a 14 year old girl who finally got Billy to notice her. The Water Chick’s homies are a bit more split on the matter. And by split, I mean there’s one old crotchety guy who’s all against it while everyone else thinks that psychic love is grand. The Earth Guy is going to take his magic palace to the bottom of the ocean to see his woman. The Water Peeps go to meet him and the Old Guy has a HUGE hissy fit and threatens to kill himself if they don’t listen. So they do and in the end, most still think he should just chill out. He takes a bunch of people with him in a huff. Reading this was like sitting in a Harry Potter ‘Shipper chatroom. And that means this book is gonna sell great.